Do I need antidepressants, therapy or just to get a grip?

[NeonPinkNails]

I’m feeling really really low and as though I need help of some kind but I don’t know what or even if I do.

I’m a mid 40s mum to one teen DD and separated from my H last year. We’re on ok terms but this has been the hardest year of my life and lately I just feel unable to cope - I haven’t slept properly in months, I veer between being unable to eat and eating crap, can’t be bothered to cook myself proper meals or even make a cup of tea sometimes. I’m tearful a lot of the time and feel as though I’m walking round with a massive weight on my shoulders. I have no motivation and just doing the simplest things - getting food in, keeping the house clean (ish), going to work - feel like as much as I can cope with. I’ve started smoking again, drink too much and have very little interest in life any more - even things that used to make me happy like reading just require too much concentration/effort.

My job is very stressful and I work long hours but I have no choice as I need it to finance DD and I keeping our home. DD has had a stressful time with GCSEs and tbh I’m finding her growing up really hard at times. My family are well-meaning but don’t have a clue about my life, more interested in their own and although I’ve got good friends none of them are local - I lean on my best friend way too much though.

I’ve had a disastrous few months online dating - met loser after loser before finally falling for someone unavailable (not married or anything) and the constant rejection and glimpses of the seedier side of life haven’t helped. I’ve come off now but I miss the contact, it was nice having people to talk to even if most were only after one thing or as messed up as me.

I’ve got a lot of issues about stuff from my childhood (death/divorce/abuse) and know they’ve led me to make bad choices in the past, part of me feels this is finally the time to address it all but the other half says people have worse to deal with, you’re strong, just get on with it.

I’m lonely and scared of the future, I think it’s only just hitting me that I’m really alone in all this. I feel like I’m losing it at times but I don’t know if I’m genuinely in need of help or if it’s only to be expected.

I can’t decide whether to see a doctor or not, I hate the idea of ADs but wonder if I need something to help me through. On the other hand I know I’d feel better if I ate well, got some sleep and exercise and was grateful for the good things in my life but I just haven’t got the strength to do it atm.

The other alternative is talking to someone, guess this is an option but it feels really self indulgent and weak. I was also reading about St John’s Wart, would this help me as an alternative to drugs?

Really grateful for any advice, I know I need to do something to help me turn a corner but I’m just not sure what.

Following with interest. I feel the same but the contributing factors are very different. I am thinking some really good counselling is the best way forward for me but would be interested to see what others think.

Hope you feel a bit better today.

See a doc definitely
It is a good start
No shame in taking antidepressants
And stop online dating
Good luck

The first two. You do sound as if you might be depressed.

Depression wants you to believe that it is weak and useless to want to treat it.

See your GP. ADs can really help. I don't know if there will be therapy on the NHS but ask them.

I am certain you can feel better than this, that life can be better than this.

Can I also really recommend doing something pleasant that involves human contact? An art class, a singing group, a walking group? Especially the last one as it's exercise as well?

I would say ADs to give you the oomph to get you going while you get therapy to sort out the long term solution and deal with all the past stuff :) I have been in a similar place and tbh wouldn’t have dealt with the psychologist stuff without meds. They don’t have to be long term. It is a shit place to be in but I promise it can get a whole heap better and life will have smiles and enjoyment again and be less of the awful slog x

I can’t decide whether to see a doctor or not, I hate the idea of ADs but wonder if I need something to help me through. On the other hand I know I’d feel better if I ate well, got some sleep and exercise and was grateful for the good things in my life but I just haven’t got the strength to do it atm

Antidepressants can sometimes be that boost you need to enable you to do all those positive things.

Plus I agree that self care is required! Make it your project. One healthy meal a day even if it is a green smoothie and a walk around the block is achievable and will make a huge difference

I'd go and get some anti depressants, bear in mind they take a few weeks to work. No shame, half the country are on them including me.

If you can drink less you should sleep better. My counsellor advised NOT trying to fix sleep prob -don’t scan internet/ try all potions and ‘cures’, also don’t try to avoid it (by suppressing emotions about it or anything else), accept you have this at the moment it’s part of you. Do slow deep breathing when you wake and feel anxious. Then just enjoy lying relaxed in bed, maybe listen to a gentle audiobook. Sleep may or may not come, doing this should take the stress out of it.

OP I take St John’s Wort and have been doing for several years. It really does help. I have never got on very well with antidepressants because I don’t like the effect of them, they always made my emotions blunted. The effects of the St John’s Wort is more subtle but for me helps to feel calmer and better. I take the max strength boots own tablets. Speak to your doc first as they can interact with other meds. It sounds like you could do with someone professional to help you through this difficult time. I had CBT and found it helpful. The other good thing about SJW is you don’t get the side effects so common to many anti depressants like weight gain. Swimming and exercise helps me to feel better just being outside. It sounds like everything has got on top of you bless you x

Antidepressants may help give you the strength and mind space to cope with counselling and looking after yourself.

Having said that, I used St John's Wort and it helped me, together with ticking off a list of eating something healthy each day, getting outside in the light for half an hour, and doing some exercise. If I got down again though, I think I'd use ADs, older DD had them for a short time and the change was genuinely amazing.

to you, it's horrible going through it and impossible to imagine feeling better, but you can come through this.

ADs first to lift your mood enough to seek therapy, look after yourself and start looking for positive activities and meeting new people. Agree with no more OLD. I have seen this work wonders for my daughter who was in the same place as you. Modern ADs are very good and as pp said, need only be a temporary fix.

Eat green things to boost your gut bacteria (very strongly linked to your mental health)
St Johns Wort should be be checked with a pharmacist if you’re taking any other medication but that aside it is clinically as effective as antidepressants
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0010676/
There is also lithium orotate (that version not others) lithium occurs naturally in some areas and people who live there have better mental health.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2248201/
You may be in peri menopause which could be a factor
Can you go for a walk at lunchtime, just to look st the trees? Do you have a garden? Solid contains anti depressant bacteria...we are starved of nature, if you can’t bring yourself to dig even just lie in the grass and breathe it in

I've just started on antidepressants in last month or so. They've made a huge difference.

Soil not solid!

Thank you so much, didn’t expect so many responses. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment booked for tomorrow and hopefully that’ll be the start of me getting myself sorted out. Thanks again and hugs to anyone who’s going through or been in a similar situation.