There's no bloody point, is there?

[MsFrizzle]

Yes, I know. I don't want to hear at all that "this is just life and I should put on my big (girl) panties and get over it". Post that and I will pretty much ignore you because I'm done with that. I don't see why I should have to get over it when there are plenty of other options out there, many of which involve disappearing.

My family's fine. I'm the problem. I have multiple chronic illnesses that limit everything, I can't hold down a job because of my anxiety/depression/mentioned illnesses, volunteering isn't an option if I want to live and I got a shitty mark on my DEGREE because I was plain shit at getting on with it.

I don't see the point in getting a 9-5 job and being miserable in it until I'm graciously allowed to retire at 60/70/80 to live out the rest of my life, likely barely able to walk because of arthritis and having spent the vast majority of it sat behind a desk or stacking shelves or something. My degree opened up nothing to me because it all requires volunteering (can't afford) or hard slog field work which I can't physically handle, even medicated. I'd damage my already heavily damaged joints too much and my age makes me not a candidate for replacement until it's dire.

There's no point to any of this! Nobody wants to be stuck in a job for the vast majority of the week with no time to do anything they enjoy because the rest of it is spent attempting to recover! I don't qualify for any benefits. Jobseekers wouldn't give me enough to survive and would require me to look for jobs I can't manage working.

I just don't see a future for me. Yes, I've been to the doctors. I've done everything. Nothing helps the unending dread at having to live a "normal" life as a mentally and physically disabled person that's just under the governments classification of physically disabled.

How is/will your family (be) fine without you?

That sounds a very angry post and actually I don't blame you for feeling that way. It must be so hard and there is fuck all support for those of us that suffer with our mental health.

I am in a bad place just now so probably not much help but just wanted to offer some support and for you to know you are not alone.

We just have to put one foot in front of the other - the alternative is unthinkable

I'll follow up by saying my posts are normally much more polite but you seem to be in a "fuck it" mode so I've replied similarly - but I can switch if you want to x

That's the angriest post I've read, ever.

No advice as such, but you are clearly furious at your lot in life.

And the NHS.

I'm not really angry, just...exhausted. Frustrated. Weak. Everybody always say people with disabilities/mental health issues are strong but I feel weak as all hell and useless. I can't do anything and the general populace act like I'm a lazy millennial who wants to sit at home all day and do nothing.

I'd love to be able to travel and see the world and visit strange places, make friends, make a difference or even just be able to enjoy having a job - but I can't do any of that for both physical reasons and monetary reasons. My retired parents shouldn't have to prop me up but there's no other option except tossing me on the street. They'd be angry at me for it but I'm always tempted to run away to some European country so that they can rest.

msFrizzle stop talking in the abstract and start talking in the now...who are you (not literally) but tell us about you from your perspective not this 3rd personing...What did you do today, what was the last thing that made you laugh, what did you find hard to do, what do you want to do tomorrow... (as examples not strict instructions!)

I hear you OP, just want you to know someone is thinking of you

I hear you too OP. Also thinking of you.

Sometimes "fuck it all" exhausted nothing left to lose can be the last place before "fuck it ok I'm going to that european city for a few days after all", then you figure it out, then you feel super proud of yourself for the planning and the courage and get a few days rest to recharge yourself. Go back though, with photos and stories to share, they'd miss you and worry and it's obvious you care about them!

Or anything, anything at all that gets you away from all the subjects you are being burdened with and just gives you and escape to feel you are achieving something and are someone. I can't tell you how much reading, when reading was literally all I could do, did for me. Gave me escape, gave me interests, gave me a sense of still being intelligent and connected. I got a goodreads page and am super proud of my now personal library! It made me feel better.

I wish I had the money to run away for a few days. I don't even have enough to have dinner without my parents chipping in.

There's nothing anyone can say or do really which will solve your problems or help.

Sorry, going through similar, if you want to chat feel free to message me, it's hard but I guess all we can do is try and struggle on.

You have your parents.

I always thought this when I found myself in an awful situation. Thank god they were there to help.

Can you manage to cook dinner and then eat a meal together, even if they pay? That's a positive thing to do.

I still recommend picking up books. Super cheap or free at library and it's a distraction hobby, help you define yourself outside the limits you are feeling.

I have an eating disorder on top of all of this as well as stomach problems. My idea of food is binging on the most pathetic, boring and disgusting things.

I don't even have the energy to read. I know it's stupid, but I've tried everything. The doctors don't give a fuck and I can't get a second opinion because I've been to every doctor in the area.