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Where do I go from here?

2 replies

aphidkiller · 15/06/2018 14:13

Where do I start? The short version of events is that I have a 19 year old daughter who has had escalating behavioural issues since she was around 8. Lying, deceit, manipulation, control, stealing, bullying, lack of remorse, irresponsibility, a general disregard for the feelings and rights of others and so on. There have been so many incidents over the past ten years or so, and we hoped at the time that she would eventually mature and the behaviour would stop. However, whilst some of the more outlandish behaviour has stopped or become less frequent recently it's become increasingly clear that this really isn't just an issue of immaturity or typical teenaged selfishness.

A chance comment by someone led me to look online at sociopathy, and then antisocial personality disorder, and everything I've read could be describing her directly, it's uncanny. It's as if all those years and everything we went through suddenly make sense.

I don't know what I'm asking really. I know I cant label her with an armchair diagnosis. I also know that she won't engage productively with mental health services, so a diagnosis is unlikely. That being the case, is there anything I can do to help her? Is there anything I can do to help us, as a family, cope? How do I reconcile my own feelings - I've been clinging on by my fingertips for so long waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, and it feels like someone has just switched off the light.

OP posts:
BeansandSausages · 15/06/2018 21:03

Could you try talking to her, I know it says she won't engage but perhaps planting at least a little seed will help. Then see how it goes before you see if she could speak to someone? Say there is nothing wrong with you as a person, but we want you to be able to enjoy life more. This must be very hard for you. Have you looked for support groups online for parents?

stillswimming · 17/06/2018 18:15

Thank you for your reply. On an intellectual level I believe she can see that the way she behaves isn't typical, but she invents lies and excuses to explain the behaviour away, and ultimately doesn't really care anyway. She would see no problem with her behaviour, no reason to seek help, so there is no seed to plant.

She had counselling a few years ago for behaviour related issues which ended as the counsellor felt that she was 'acting' rather than engaging, and using the counselling as a means of manipulating others.

I've looked for support forums and there are a couple for people with apd but nothing really for their families, hence posting here.

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