My daughter is one and I love her dearly, but more and more frequently I have had little to no patience with her, I’m finding it difficult to control my temper and more often than not, she is in the cot on her own whilst I calm down.
I have had to change my hours at work due to child care and have gone from a really enjoyable job with a good team to working alone and hating every second of the work I have to do. I’m in no position to stay home as every benefit calculater says we can claim nothing, even though my husband only works 30 hours a week.
I recently took a few weeks holiday and got to spend time with my baby, I finally felt like a mum after struggling a lot when she was tiny. She’s now a proper little person with a personality and I finally felt like I was doing a good job. Since being back at work, I’ve had less patience with her because I can’t leave my job at the door, I dread every second of every day knowing I’ve got to go back. I really don’t know what I can do. I wish so badly that I could be a mum and give my daughter the time and attention that she needs to thrive, yet I find myself wishing I hadn’t had her so that I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in. She didn’t ask to be born and all she gets is an angry mum who lives her but can’t show it.