I couldn't think of a heading but I guess that is how I am feeling.
Have previously posted about going no contact with my toxic father. Recently discovered that he has been slagging me off to my brothers and doesn't want me to get in touch anyway.
My mother died when I was 9 so I don't have her to turn to.
I just feel incredibly low and down. I wake with this knot and empty feeling in my stomach and incredible sadness. I emailed the samaritans today. I worry about where my thoughts take me, they take me to a very dark place.
I cried in the car this morning, this isn't particularly unusual.
I find it incredibly hard to speak to anyone.
I don't like me at the moment. I've gone boring and dull.
I just don't knwo what I want in life at the moment, struggling and just need to vent.
I dont want to go to the doctor to go back on anti depressants as I have been referred for IVF and am not sure whether I can take anti depressants when I am doing it? I dont even know if I should be.