It's too hard to go on

[AsleepAllDay]

I don't want to put too many details about my situation in case it's identifying.

Anyway, I have had anxious/depressive tendencies since my teens & ten years later it feels like it's coming to a head.

I've had nervous breakdowns and suicidal thoughts before but right now they are very strong and compelling. Basically my life situation right now has completely changed (relationship ended, moved countries back home, going to lose my job which was meant to keep me in the UK but limits on numbers mean that I can't get my v*sa)

Back home with parents and I just don't see the point of going on. I won't be working in a few months and I'm starting to hate my field. I don't know what to do next and I miss my ex incredibly, he does too but he initiated the breakup and is going to be fine. I was abroad for 2 years and even though my depression, suicidal ideation etc was a problem at least I was where I really wanted to be. Meeting my ex just before I left was also incredibly special.

I honestly have nothing going for me. My family don't understand that I can't just 'snap' out of this. I'm on antidepressants but they don't numb the pain of carrying on a life that is aimless. Like my username, I just sleep all day when I can because I get nothing out of life.

It’s horrible having no control over such an important part of your life, no wonder you have been so depressed. When will you know if you are back to UK or not?

4dogs probably next month some time, or even earlier. Dreading it...

And yeah, almost the whole year has been swallowed up by this uncertainty which I hate. Losing my relationship was also a blow

You’ve been through so much this year. I hope things get better for you soon. I have had a crap year but things seem to be on more of an even keel right now. Recovery is tough though as I’m desperate not to slide backwards so that causes anxiety in itself if you see what I mean. It’s good that you have a plan if coming back to UK doesn’t work out. Would you have somewhere to live in UK now you have split with ex?

Thank you so much @4dogs

I wasn't living with my ex so would be renting again... which I was looking forward to as the new job comes with a pay rise

There's been a lot going on this year, you're right... I'm on way to yoga now and have a job interview next week and planning to pick up driving lessons and therapy... so things are happening

I think for what it's worth, recovery isn't linear. It's not a straight line, you can go back and forth but you're still going forward x

How are you doing? It sounds as though you are being pretty proactive where you can which is at least giving you some control amd agency.

I just wanted to let everyone know that there's a new, glossy, long-awaited mainstream magazine being launched called MindSet - www.mindsetmagazine.co.uk. With Ruby Wax and Monty Don on the Board it will be beautifully presented, and raise the profile of this field of health, not just to help those of us suffering mental health problems, but to help family, friends, carers, colleagues, understand it better, so that they can be of much needed support, to those of us who need their help.

Hi @4dogs - had my job interview and they were v positive but will wait for up to 2 weeks for the outcome as they're busy but also going to be seeing other applicants!

Trying to keep up spirits and feel positive but am still quite bitter about how things have turned out. My current job hasn't updated me about the work situation which seems grim

I am sleeping a lot as it's so cold & I just can't seem to summon up the energy for much

My ex changed his photo on Facebook and he looked so lovely, it was such a pang

Anyway tell me how you are

Glad your interview went well but you have a long wait for a result. Maybe you should block ex on fb so you can’t see photos? Any news re UK job? I’m trying to work out where you are as you said it’s cold, Australia? Things are ok with me apart that I cannot stop eating cake and crisps, dunno if it’s my meds or giving up smoking but I am putting on weight, mostly on my stomach which I’m not happy about. I don’t normally eat crisps and cakes! Hoping it will
stop soon. I’m on day 11 of not smoking, puffing away on my vape and have got some lovely cool minty vape juices. Also managing to get out every day, mostly to do pokemon go! Are you getting out at all?

How’s it going @AsleepAllDay? Any job news?

Hi @4dogs - got offered the job today! I'm going to take it, start & see what happens with the UK one - time is running out and if they don't try after this month it'll be curtains anyway

This job is also letting me take some time off to start a course I need to do to qualify which is good. Will be living at home for the foreseeable which isn't great but trying to make the best with what I have. Still miss my ex - his birthday is in a few weeks & thought I would be there celebrating with him!

How about you? Switching from cigs to vaping is a big move. I can see where the cravings will have moved to food now, sounds like the natural process

How are you enjoying the weather? Yes I'm in Oz and it's bloody freezing!

So pleased you got the job AND it allows you time off for training, that’s brilliant news. You’re doing so well at putting your life back
together! I know UK/relationship would be your ideal but you are managing to build
something else that may turn out to
be better in the long run. I expect ex’s birthday will be tough for you, lots of what if type thoughts but you’ll get through it. Does it get actually cold (like in UK) in Oz or just not hot? I’m on day 18 of not smoking and it is mostly going ok. Don’t think I could do it without vaping and I am using nicotine so not a complete detox but apparently nicotine alone is no worse than caffeine so I’m not worrying about it. It is very (too) hot over here right now, can’t say I am a fan of it!