Relationships and mental health - how to ask for help

[CheersButterfly]

I need to talk to my partner about my mental health and probably should tell him I self harmed last night. I'm struggling with this as I find talking about any of this incredibly difficult - I have strong feelings of shame and embarrassment. He knows I suffer from depression which stems from a traumatic childhood. He knows I used to self harm as a teen. He is supportive, we do have a good relationship but intimacy can be a bit of an issue sometimes.

My concern is that I already feel like such a burden and a nightmare and that I am actively making his life difficult/have ruined his life. I carry the (incorrect) belief that he stays with me out of a sense of duty, that he'd rather not be with me and that I make him miserable. I know this isn't actually true because there is not actually any evidence in his behaviour or outlook that this is the case, just my dreadful insecurities. I know rationally that he could have left at any point in the last five years if he wanted to and he is always reassuring me, but deep down this is the ongoing belief I have, that I'm a burden, a nightmare, he hates me etc etc.

Also he is having a stressful time himself at the moment with work and I feel I would be adding more pressure if I were to confide in him properly. I really don't want to add pressure or worry, however all the advice I'm coming across is telling me to reach out, he is my partner and I know that he would want me to tell him, and he would want to help. So I should. Right?

I just want to close in on myself, dissolve, self combust. I'm full of self loathing and disgust about my behaviour, thoughts, feelings. I feel like a terrible person that deserves to be alone. But the reality is I have a family and people who love me and I owe it to them to be here, and to be well.

So how do I put into words all this stuff that just makes me cringe and feel horrendous and embarrassed to say? And how do I ask for help without sounding attention seeking and burdening him with all my crap?

You could maybe show him this post? Are you getting any help, such as cbt, with your thinking patterns or any support for self harm?

Thanks for your response, after writing all that down things were much clearer for me actually and I felt a bit better. I'd forgotten the therapeutic power of writing down thoughts and feelings. We had a long discussion last night and I feel a lot better.

I have had counseling and anti depressants and CBT over the many years I've struggled with my mental health, I haven't experienced the greatest success with any of it really. The self harm was the first incident in 10 years! I have accessed some self help resources that I think will help make sure this doesn't happen again. I am considering going to see my GP, I'm going to see how things go over the next few weeks.

There is another thread on here about ROCD, relationship oriented ocd, with an interesting link. It sounds somewhat similar to your negative thoughts about your relationship, might be worth a read? It’s good to hear that you don’t self harm
regularly and have found some resources to help. Seeing your gp would probably be helpful, maybe some anti anxiety meds might be helpful? Glad you found writing it all out therapeutic, mn is brilliant in many ways!

Ah thanks I will check that thread out that does sound interesting.

I feel like the self harm incident seemingly out of the blue after all this time has highlighted that I don't have good coping mechanisms for anxiety/depression/stress symptoms and so I'm going to focus on that. I am really concerned with making sure this doesn't turn into a regular habit, I know what a slippery slope this is and how you think you're fine but the feelings are all consuming and lead you down strange roads.

And I am going to practice asking for help which posting here has helped with.