PND- will I ever live my life without it again?

[Noddy1990]

Hey,

Not to sure where to begin. I don't know if I'm writing this for advice or just to find some people who are alike.

I've had pnd now for 19months, and I go to therapy every Wednesday which I enjoy and find helps. But their are some days like today where my days are bad. I'm sitting round my family who I just read into every word they say. And I just want to up and run. My partner and I always say what number (1-10. 10 being the worse but on some very bad days we will say I'm at an 11!)

Today I was at an 8. My daughter was lovely just others irritating me, I find I withhold information as a form of punishment for my family for not being supportive of being self absorbed.

I find I just want to scream. I only want to be around three people. My best friend, my partner and my daughter because I don't find others are helpful for me.

Sorry this is all a bit of a ramble, like I said im at an 8 today. But if their is anyone else feeling the same I'd love to talk!
X

Hi, I'm here and I understand 100%.

My dd1 is now 7 and I was diagnosed with PND when she was 8 months. I think, in hindsight, that it carried on from undiagnosed anti-natal depression. I had a rough old time with her dad throughout pregnancy and her first few months. He's long gone now, thank goodness. I was on fluoxetine for 3 years until my dp moved in, I decided that then would be a good time to come off. It worked out ok, I had up and down days but it was easier with his support.

I've always said that even when I was ok for a good period of time, depression never goes away and is always lurking.

Now, 4 years and another dd on, Ive kept off the ADs and most of the time I'm ok. It seems to be related to my cycle now so 2.5 weeks of the month I'm fine yet 1.5 weeks I'm low as can be. I'm going to try going back on the pill (from today infact) to see if that helps because those days are so so hard.

Like you say, its SO self absorbed at times and it's taken my dp a long time to get his head around it but we are so lucky to have supportive people. Dont punish them, I cant begin to imagine how hard it must be to live with me when I'm at a low point. I like your scale system, and its great that he asks. I was around an 8 this morning but I set myself a small list (shower, change dd2s wet bedsheet, turn the washer on), ticked them off and now I feel around a 6. Youve got to take the small victories, havent you.

I came on MN to either find or start a thread like this. Thank you for posting.

Do what you need to do to get through the day, be self absorbed, have a nap to escape the world if you need to. Tomorrow you might wake up a 5 and get loads done. x

Hey oddshoesoddsocks.

I'm pleased you commented. I was hoping that if just one person got In touch it would be nice to speak to someone who is in a similar situation.

I'm curious to know if you are having any therapy or support?

I find Pnd also makes me not trust my own mind and judgments as in is this feeling of irritant or upset justified or is it pnd making me over react.

I find some days really tricky, and some days not a problem at all. I think the hardest thing is dealing with people. Their judgemental ways and ignorance.

I hope you are having more good days than bad! X x

I understand. I was diagnosed with pnd when my eldest was 8 weeks old and I'm still taking 150mg sertraline. My eldest is now nearly 12.

I get it. Mine is 17 months and I was desperate by the time she was nine months old. Have seen a counsellor regularly and built up a support network of people not directly involved in my life, which I find massively helpful. I'm a misanthrope, but have started going to an amazing toddler group three days a week. Wish I'd found it a year ago. Call on your health visitor. Mine was a godsend. Totally ok to feel the way you do about other people. I can't be doing with relatives especially now. Try not to get completely lost in it either. I am trying to find the joy in my DD and come down to her level. It's really working but it does take time. Just wanted to offer a bit of solidarity.

Wow speaking to you all has really helped as it's made me feel less like I'm a weirdo. The tablets you talk about are these antidepressants I've been refusing to take any meds but do you recommend them?

Sadly my family appear to be my trigger for a low mood. Before my daughter I would never of said they would of been this way. I think that's what's adding to the pain of it all.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice means more to me than you'll ever know x

Sorry for the really short message before. Eldest was trying to read what I was typing from the top of the bunkbed while I was mumsnetting on the bottom bunk and making sure everyone is getting ready for bed and not sitting there in their pants having a debate about whether there are any disabled wizards.

Anyway the dc are finally asleep. Yes, sertraline is an anti-depressant. I think they have helped me and I definitely feel worse when I forget to take them. They give me a bit of extra get up and go and make me a bit less anxious about doing things I find scary like taking the dc to the park.

Hi Noddy,

No I don't have any therapy, for various reasons really, it's just never suited my situation.

I find it helpful to do a 'brain dump' when I feel myself getting bad. I've got a book that I write in when I need to where I just write down everything in my head, whether it's big or small or just something I need to remember, it all goes in. It just helps clear my head when it feels over loaded.

I was on fluoxetine for a while and tbh I wouldn't recommend it. It made me feel better in the way that I didn't have the sadness or irritability that I had before but I just had this numbness and fog that I couldn't shift. I don't remember much of dd1s first 3 years and I'm sure it's down to that. I've spoken to a colleague recently who had a similar experience.

I'm glad this thread is helping you, sometimes you just need to see it written down and know that there are others :) xx