Cant cope solicitor

[wishiwasacollie]

I am a solicitor and cant cope any more. Wake up and heart is racing hands shaking. Every email sets stomach churning. Every time i do a piece of work i worry about it constantly. Feel i am just waiting for something to go wrong.
Does anyone have coping strategies. I was on floxetrine before but dont want to go back on. Trying to see what else i can do workwise but nothing yet. Constantky chrcking phone on days off just in case something goes wrong. Keep telling myself there are thousands of solicitors out there coping and not worrying. Why me

Sorry to hear of your stress and anxiety. Is there a particular reason you're against taking Fluoxetine again? Also have you had any talking therapy such as CBT?

Hi @wishiwasacollie

I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’m a solicitor too and suffer with anxiety. I recently had a really bad episode, but after some work with a psychologist, it wasn’t anything to do with work (more my home life).

The first thing I’d recommend is finding a counsellor, psychologist ect to talk to. This seems like a really scary thing to do, but it is honestly the best decision I ever made. If you have private health cover through work, see if therapy is covered.

My particular area of law is very fast paced (a certain ADR is used by the industry) and quite high pressured. I’ve put some practical tips that I use below. I don’t know what area of law you practice, what your firm is like and/or your seniority, so I don’t know if these are any good to you:-

(1) Unless there is something life shatteringly urgent, work phone goes off at 5pm on Friday until 8am on Monday and on all holidays. I tend to put mine in a room in the house that I don’t normally go into on the weekend or leave it in a bag so I don’t see it.

(2) Can you work from home at all? Some days I take “work from home days” and, although I’m doing the same work, the fact I can do it in my PJs makes a big difference.

(3) I’m assuming that you are quite junior. If so, I’d expect your work to be checked by an associate/partner. If they’ve ok’d it, you’re good. If this doesn’t normally happen, I’m sure you could ask someone to double check something/bounce ideas off. Again, I know this sounds scary but I do it constantly (and I am very good at my job). If a particular piece of work is bothering / worrying you, try and talk it through with your boss / colleagues.

(4) You don’t always have to answer your phone. Sometimes, I let it go to voicemail and call someone back when I (1) have time and (2) feel prepared.

(5) When I am really busy, I put my out of office on saying that I am in a meeting and will respond in due course. This gives me a bit of breathing space.

(6) Go for a walk at lunch. I find it helps to blast music in my ears.

(7) Keep reminding yourself that:

o the firm is not going to fall apart if you have a holiday, day off, can’t do a piece of work; and

o you work to live, not live to work.

Not everyone is coping. Unfortunately, people just don't discuss their struggles (it would be a lot easier if they did).

Is there anyone at work that you can talk to? Not necessarily a boss (my work bestie is a secretary).

Also, try and do something nice for you tonight. This may sound a little sad but I have a huge bubble bath with a big glass of wine and watch some trash tv and just breath for a bit.

Don't ever forget that it is ok not to be ok.

What good positive sound advice Youcandothis365

Thank you all fir responding. I am actually quite senior. I struggle to put phone away and have it with me constantly. Role is in house but under resourced and high volume. Its not life or death. I work from home and have a dog but waking up at 2 and 3 and checking work done. Have called to speak to a counsellor and trued to get doctors appointment. Will try again. Thank you. Good to hear im not the only one.

I used to work in law and had a similar experience, it's a stressful job and easy to feel overwhelmed. I ended up walking away and I don't regret it, but I wonder if things could have been different if I had found (or asked for) more support in my workplace.

Looking back, I was surrounded by unhappy people and the management stank, I was not doing a bad job, it just was a bad job.

I agree with everything Youcandothis365 said.

Look after yourself, you have plenty of choices and the world is bigger than the office.

You are definitely not the only one!

In my experience, (nearly) every solicitor has the feelings you have at the moment. Unfortunately, no one talks about it (myself included) and everyone just slaps a massive smile on their face and pretends everything is fine.

Also (and this may just be my own experience in a practice sector which is male dominated), I think women find it even harder to talk about as they are scared of being considered weak (this was (sometimes still is) one of my fears).

In terms of the phone, you need to make yourself keep it in a different room (mine is not allowed in the bedroom after being sat up 1 morning at 3am answering emails). If you're worried how people will react with you not responding outside of office hours, perhaps put an out of office on? I know someone who does this to manage everyone else's expectations.

I genuinely know that it isn't easy, but keep reminding yourself that you are so much more important that the job. Cholka is spot on - the world is bigger than the office.

I'd also add - part of your job when working from home is to be your own manager. Would you let someone you were supervising work the way you are?

Make a schedule (start work at 9, make a plan of the day's priorities and block out time, give yourself set times for breaks when you must walk away from your desk and preferably do something nice/go outside, finish at 5 etc). If you are required to check emails outside work hours then set particular times so they don't leech up all your time.

If possible then work in a room where you don't spend other time, close the door outside work hours and don't go back in unless you're being paid to do so.

You might think you're being loyal to your employer by being available all hours but you're actually much more valuable and productive when you give yourself enough rest and leisure to bring a clear head to the job. Looking after yourself properly is part of the job.

Hi just to add my own experiences to this, I'm also quite a senior lawyer and I have anxiety a lot of the time. I'm on medication to help but just to add to the excellent list that you've already been given is:

1. Get or keep taking exercise, even if it's twenty minutes run at lunchtime it will burn off some adrenaline and will make you feel better;

1. Do try and talk to someone at work even if it's just the HR team. Mine were incredibly supportive and found me access to a lot of help.

1. Have you tried Lawcare? It's a really good service and free too!

I don't think we ever stop worrying about work as I think many of us are perfectionists by nature but as many others have said it's keeping it in context and not letting it dominate that's important.

One last thought, if you're in house can you phone an external lawyer (one who wants your work) if you are really bothered about an issue?

And, show me the lawyer who has never ever screwed anything up.....

Xx

Wow. Thank you all. Just hearing i am not the only one makes such a difference. Am now sat on mumsnet with a family sized bag of crisps about to watch ER. Will take note of all thst has been said. One point made me pause. I dont let my team work.like I do or at least tell them to stop. So aint exactly practising what I preach. It is just a job