Not coping with planned abortion

[Stressedmumof4kids]

Hi there, please no judgment. I recently I found out that I am pregnant with an unplanned 5th child. I am absolutely terrified as this was never something we wanted and we are stretched to our limit with the 4 we have! I’m also so angry that I’m in this position as I said to my husband after our 4th that he needed to get the snip (which he still hasn’t!!) as I was no longer taking contraception due to the toll it has taken on my body and despite my best efforts here we are. I have been having nightmares to the point of not sleeping, been sick, ridiculously tired and my husband has just been in denial and really negative and unsupportive. We have done 4 under 6 allready and that almost killed us as we have no family support and husband works two jobs. I toyed with the idea of keeping it as I wasn’t sure I could handle the termination and our other kids would all love it but seeing the stress that’s it’s causing allready i know deep down this would likely break us and only be detrimental to our other kids 😢 I’m booked in to have a surgical in a week and I can’t stop crying and I’m finding it really hard to function. I also don’t know how to explain any of this to my kids (why mummy’s always sick, the surgery etc) as I don’t believe they should know just yet as it’s an adult issue. I have to go and get a scan today and I don’t know how I’m going to cope. Any help or words of comfort would be much appreciated.

All you can do is look at your circumstances, your personal needs, your children's needs. and make the best decision you can at the time. The children don't need to know yet - but as they get older you might want to tell them to prevent it becoming a 'family secret'. Good luck, whatever you do.

I am sorry for the situation you're in. FWIW no abortion is 'planned', just either necessary or unnecessary.
What do you feel most sick by? Having the baby or having a termination?
I have 4, I was sterilised after 4 as I knew I couldn't do pregnancy again. I would recommend it OP whatever the outcome, you never worry about pregnancy again. 4 under 6 is A LOT, would they really love another? Or are you romanticising a very difficult reality?
I know mothers with 6 who cope very well but the more you have the less freedom you will get. Your relationship doesn't sound particularly respectful (I may be wrong but he doesn't sound great).
What I will say is your marriage may not work out anyway, and you will be a single mum of 4. Will being a single mum of 5 be better or worse for you? As it is you who will have to cope ultimately, given your hubby works 2 jobs.
FWIW surgical abortions are quite quick and easy, once you're out it's 'done'. The morning sickness will be gone by next day but sore breasts can take a while.
What is your gut telling you?

^^ and to the other poster no child needs to know their mother had a termination to prevent it becoming a 'family secret'. At that age to them you were poorly went to the doctors and got better. Don't overthink it. It would be totally inappropriate to tell the children about a termination and they never need to know.

Bless you and no judgement here. I'd agree that 4 under 6 is already a heck of a lot on your plate. I don't think you need to tell your children anything about this, beyond that you need to go the Dr's. As per what Mila says, a surgical abortion is pretty quick and straightforward. I'd also be telling your husband get the snip, wrapped it up or no sex. Take care.

During a surgical OP, they offer to fit a coil either Mirena or copper. Copper has no hormones and can cause heavier bleeding but this is manageable for many women and is better than another pregnancy. The amount of men who expect their wives to take contraceptive responsibility in addition to giving birth and pregnancy and terminations, and yet who continue squirting away inside them knowing that the effects are worse for the woman, are fucking disgusting. It is always the woman feeling and receiving the shame. None here OP whatsoever xx

The pill didn't particularly suit me but the Mirena is brilliant and I forget it's there. Much lighter periods too. Unlike the pill, the hormones work locally so maybe that's why it suits me more than the pill. I'd recommend it.

Thanks for you words of support ladies. I’m so full of anger and sadness right now I can barely look at my husband. I had the scan yesterday (I’m 9 weeks) and just left feeling empty. I couldn’t even look at the screen. My morning sickness is so bad I’m throwing up numerous times a day and I can hardly move and I still have to wait a week. I’ve told the kids that I’m having tummy problems and need a little operation next week but that it’s not serious and mummy will be fine. I just want this over with now and I’m honestly not sure my marriage is going to survive this.........

Do you want the baby OP? Your marriage is going to be strained either way. Would you rather have the baby and risk him leave, or have a termination and resent, possibly hate him forever?