Ridiculous Anxiety

[Anxiousannie7]

I've had anxiety since 2010 when I had DD. Had CBT etc etc.

I was Ill in 2015 with low iron and b12, because of it, I had horrendous panic attacks that just wouldnt stop. Nothing I did helped untill I was diagnosed and put on beta blockers. Since then I've been terrified of being on my own due having monster panic attacks. I wasn't left on my own for about a year? Maybe 2? It was awful.

Had a pretty shit time since with one thing and another (dad had terminal cancer, then I lost my nan, more stress)

Anyway. It's 2018 and we have brought our own house, in a lovley area and I'm happy, for a change. I am able to be left on my own for hours at a time. I'm still abit anxious but I'm fine. I can even walk my children to school.

My anxiety is never happy, it needs to manifest in someway.
So now I'm worrying that I need items to stop my anxiety. Example, I need an apple. If I don't have an apple, I'll have a panic attack, apples are the only way to stop feeling anxious.

Which is ridiculous, as 1) I'm on beta blockers, I can't have a panic attack and 2) never have I needed an apple to stop panic attacks.
I haven't had one in roughly 3 years.

So what is happening!? Why?! It really effects my sleep as I'm up all night worrying I need XYZ items to stop an anxiety attack.

Could anyone give me any tips on getting over safety nets? Thanks.

Big hugs. I've not experienced that particular type of anxiety, but I do sympathise. Could you ask your GP about either some talking therapy, or maybe looking at different meds for the anxiety. In the meantime, try not to stress about why your brain is acting this way. Sometimes our brains just do weird stuff, and there's no point feeling anxious about feeling anxious! Easier said than done I know, but try to just say to yourself "ok this is weird, but whatever - I'll see the GP and things will get sorted".

Hello OP
Just wanted to send my empathy and to say you’re not alone. I hardly ever go on mumsnet and don’t talk openly about my condition much to anyone. I’m just about to go into therapy - CBT as an outpatient. My anxiety disorder is dreadful- had it since I was a child and it’s got worse as I’ve got older. I’m in my 40’s - married , 3 kids. My anxiety is different from yours I think but I too suffer horrendous panic attacks. I have suicudal OCD. Have you ever thought you might have OCD? Intrusive thoughts? I thought OCD was obsessively washing hands etc until I read about the compulsion side of the disorder. I started getting it when I was 12- I was up on a cliff walking and I suddenly had a compulsion to throw myself off - overwhelming thoughts and fears that I would . I ran all he way back down into the town on the lovely island I grew up on and have had it ever since. I was s self harmed too. This issue has morphed into - almost throwing myself off slam door trains in the 90’s- early noughties, can’t go anywhere highly at all , even the first floor of a shopping mall is too much in case I kill myself to motorways. Can’t go on a motorway at 80 miles an hr because I don’t feel safe and can throw myself out at speed. Can’t go on boats for the same reason and don’t have any large knives in the house in case I hurt myself. I didn’t go on holiday last year because I get panic attacks when travelling and I’m due to go home this week to see a friend on the island but have not travelled alone for ages long distance and I’m terrier I’ll panic and lose my mind on the train. So I’m seeing the doc this week to see what they can do in terms of medication. Never taken any before but need it now. I’m
Going to learn to drive too to help my anxiety. It’s completely mad really and yet I’m fine for most other area of life apart from my extreme anxiety and OCD. I have no idea where it’s from or if therapy will help but I’m gonna try. I am trying Bach’s flowers, lots of meditation books, an anxiety journal and trying to relax with hobbies etc. But I need the therapy too. I’m Sorry I can’t be more help but thought I’d share my OCD intrusive thought problem which is crippling my life. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Stick with the beta blockers ( I’m going to get some ) natural herbal remedies like Bach’s flowers, herbal teas and wholesome foods for calm. Try calm smellies - you can get them on Amazon, a little pot that you rub on to your arm or chest when you’re anxious. Lavender is good. Music is good as a distraction. I only get my OCD in certain situations but my anxiety makes me dizzy and I “ jump” out of myself a lot and back in again like a body jolt most days although some are worse than others. I had a serious riding accident 20 years ago and after treatment have been in chronic pain ever since. I ended up with sciatica at Xmas . Had X rays and scans - all healed! Nothing wrong with me - chronic pain caused by muscle tension lead to sciatica which now I have nerve damage from on my left lower leg. What anxiety can do to you ! I don’t know if there is any cure but the panic attacks are the worst. Just awful , takes me hours to calm down if I get one. Good to talk OP - try group therapy too. Don’t be embarrassed - chronic anxiety is so so debilitating and the stress may even shorten our lives so please keep trying . Sending you hugs and I feel much better in knowing others suffer the same high levels of anxiety. So many reasons why but being responsible for kids, family and work doesn’t help. I almost died having my son and now need a big operation for abdominal Issues caused by multiple pregnancy. I am disfigured by it and am often in pain yet I’m so scared to go back to the operating table, I’ve left it for 11 years! I just wear an abdominal belt and clothes to hide my problems but I can’t work until I have the op so I’m just stuck with tutoring when really I should be teaching full time. I have driven my family insane! But I have no parents or close friends so I do struggle alone with my problems as I’m reclusive. Anyway,the very best of luck my dear and keep talking, keep positive and know that you can work on it. Sounds like you have something similar to me in that it’s about feeling safe- a kind of agrophobia. I don’t feel safe travelling on my own . You don’t feel safe unless you eat an apple for example. We have to learn to feel safe. For what’s it worth I do have an unhappy quite dysfunctional upbringing and my earlies memory of my anxiety is having irritable bowl syndrome - sitting on the loo with constipation or diahorrea before I went to school and crying every until I was 13 because I thought my dad was abandoning me. So I have a history there. I think you should try more therapy and perhaps get to the root of your anxiety maybe a bit more if you’ve suffered go many years. I don’t know if this has helped at all abd I don’t mean to make it about me - just wanted to share. Take good care of yourself and try to be kind to yourself - I often try to think ‘be kind and relax’ but it doesn’t usually work ! x