60 now and can’t take anymore anxiety and non stop thoughts

[Haribogirl]

I’m not feeling sorry for myself by any means.
I’ve had anxiety/depression since I was about 22, some good years without any but then would come back somewhere down the line.
I’d say mainly situation/ change starts it off, but feel I’m never strong enough to shrug it off and it escalates sometimes big time.

Got it again at the moment, since October (suppose I’ve always got low level, when not so bad episodes)
Every morning is the same mostly I wake up with surge of adrenaline in the pit of my stomac and chest, this then starts the auto thoughts off.
It’s like I’m on a treadmill the same routine everyday.

I know everyone as routine, so why does mine have such a big effect on me,
I don’t work, had to give it up 15 yrs ago because of how bad it got and the massive impact it was having on my life it became too much.
Everyday I say to myself “ what can I do today”. This as become a newish thought past year, I’ve just plodded on before never even thought about what to do.
It brings my mood down even before I start to get up out of bed.
Why the hell I've let this take over, it’s the second thing that happens and the adrenaline thing.

I think it may have happened since Partner retired!!
He’s a very positive person, sometimes black/white person
But I don’t think I’ve ever seen him down in 16 yrs, always doing something. Don’t think he can relax, as I’ve never seen him watch a full tv programme wether that be sport or not.
So ever afternoon he says” what do you want to do now”
Why does he have to have a plan? And need to go out, once in morning for food then again after lunch till about 3.30-4pm
He says he can’t stay in, because he’s in all night, but he’s not because he goes for walk pm for 30 mins every night. Bed is 11-15pm till 7am

I’m not a people’s person, never had lots of friends. Suppose I’m quite a loner, because when I’ve made friends and they have called round
I want them to go. ( god I sound horrible person) or mention going for coffee I get panic feelings.
I don’t like social events, visiting family etc. When anxiety is there, as I think, what if I have an attack. When this as happened I avoid it again, I know I shouldn’t because then anxiety is winning and I’ve no life too.

I’m on Diazepam now just to calm me down and able to get me out of the house( not always possible) I get angry with myself that it takes a lot of effort and I can’t just do it anymore.

I’ve upped my meds venlafaxine but didn’t see any improvement, I started getting heavy chest symptoms (not palps) told Gp so now have to go for stress echocardiogram. I havnt had them for weeks now since reducing venlafaxine.
Tried beta blockers, instead of Diazepam, was getting low blood pressure . So off them .

Sick of trying to take mind of things and thinking I have to keep doing something so I won’t get the thoughts
It feels like what I do is a chore , rather than enjoying it,
maybe because I’ve got this thing going round my head “what can I do” rather than wanting to do it.

I’m probably waffling now, it’s hard to explain to people.

The blood tests are to monitor how much lithium is in your system and to check it isn’t causing liver damage. I got told today they are increasing the dose and that has made me very anxious, dunno why! Sounds like you have been doing well on the whole. I must do some gardening, weeds are taking over. Most of my garden is at the front of my house and I just feel to self conscious and anxious to be out there, I never used to feel like that and my garden was gorgeous. I get so angry with myself for being so feeble!

Hey I get why your anxious 100%
I’m exactly the same, I think it’s because we don’t know how it affect us and we don’t really want the meds in the first place but we don’t also want to suffer like we do.

Sometimes I can push myself(it is hard) others I literally can’t
So much is to do with my mood, it can floor me and bring me to tears somedays. I’m just doing one day at a time.

Wish I knew what to do with the plants I buy, I’m never sure what you do with them.
Maybe that could be my hobby!

I get what you say about being self conscious, because we are poorly
We think people are looking at us
Judging us and if your anything like me too anxious to speak to people. It’s hard
Don’t be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself If your not nobody else will be. Your important look after yourself.

Hope the increase sort you out
Do you have any talking therapy?
Might be good to get things off your chest. Anything don’t just your depression.
There’s 2 types of bipolar isn’t there?
I don’t teally know much about it, but there was a lady at my anxiety group who was bipolar a few years back.
Have you only recently been like this?

Hi everyone, I'm new here.

Oops pressed the wrong button! Im 48, have 2 teenage daughters and fight a daily battle with anxiety and low level depression which has had a very destructive impact on how I'm able to function and work. I'm self-employed. Doesnt help I'm perimenopausal too 🙈🙈 I feel every inch of your pains and frustrations. Its terrifying and often lonely dragging your poor mental health along. I set up my own support group for women struggling as I was / still am because there was so little help for me.

Please mums don't suffer in silence, try to put up and shut up and hope you'll make it through another day. You are ALL welcome here if you want the supportn of fabulous women who know what you're going b through and are ready to help
Http:www.facebook.com/groups/fruitcakeandco

Sending you all big big hearts and hugs ❤❤❤❤

Hi Skelly. I don’t like fb groups but thanks for the invite. I like it here. I am feeling very low today.

Get out in the sun 4, get some vitamin D 20 mins will do.

No sun here today Haribo, I did sit out in it yesterday and felt a bit better but it is just completely overcast today. How have you been today?

Good day today, managed to do some ironing that’s been piling up!!
And went out food shopping with DP
It’s been hot and sunny in mcr, can’t believe this hot spell as lasted this long.

Last time I was down and crying was Saturday, I’m due at gp tomoz
I’ve also managed to drop down to 1mg diazepam for last 2 days

I've had spells like this before, time will tell

Hope you managed to buck up a little bit this afternoon 😀

I’ve got to go out in about ten minutes and am starting to feel really anxious about it. How did you get on with gp? Sounds as though you have had a couple of good days, long may that continue.

Did you manage ok on getting out the other day, was it alone?
It’s the anticipation build up
I like to go out really when I’m showered etc, because if I hang around I start to talk myself out of things or start to feel the downward spiral setting in

Gp
Seemed pleased I’d had few good days and said she’d see me after meeting with secondary care mh team in 2 weeks

Not so good day yesterday, but think I was tired sleep wasn’t good.
Today I’ve spent most morning sat at table & chairs, had to go sains on my own as dp was out.
I knew I wasn’t relaxed on going
Just got what needed and out could feel the adrenaline building up and mood starting to drop now. That you want to do something but can’t be arsed

How you doing/managing?
Are the new meds helping or too early yet?

I think my new meds might be helping as I have gone out a few times, twice today. I feel slightly less depressed than I did but still unable to tackle garden, housework or walk the dogs. AMHT are cutting down how much they see me so they must be able to see an improvement as well. How was your weekend? When are you seeing your gp?

How are you doing @Haribogirl?