Is there anything I can do for perimenopausal mood swings? Feel like I'm going mad.

[Honey1975]

I've spent most of the weekend moody, stressed and miserable. My poor dh & dc's don't deserve this. I remember my mum being like this when I was a teenager and it upset me.
I know I am being vile but I just cannot control it. I am 43 and perimenopausal. How long is this going to last!
For the fist time ever yesterday I felt desperate and had to drive off to get away from it all. I feel quite scared at how powerful my low mood can be.

Can anyone understand or suggest anything that might help? I already take 20mg fluoxetine daily and have done for a long time.

Why don't you get HRT? I felt almost serene after my first patch of Evorel. See your doctor asap...

Thank you Sarf that's interesting. I don't know anything about HRT. I suppose I'm reluctant to take any more meds as I already take the ad's and meds for another condition (autoimmune). On the other hand I can't bear the thought of feeling like this for years, I'm ruining my family🙁.

HRT. It has been a complete game-changer for my whole family.

Please go to the GP, especially as 43 is relatively young and you need to protect yourself from osteoporosis. Only HRT can do that.

And yes, absolutely understand and relate to it, both the mood swings and the feeling of guilt about what it's doing to the family.

Ok thank you I will go and talk to gp.

I do agree about Evorel. I'm on patches (which the newer NICE guidelines say are very low risk even for women with 'the usual suspect' medical issues) - and they have made my recovery from total hysterectomy & ovary removals so, so much better.

Would you consider yoga?
It’s not a cure-all but it helps regulate my moods, takes away tension, helps build strength and flexibility.

Or a regular massage?

I find I am very moody but yoga has relaxed me and I can manage my moods better

Tiny yes definitely interested in yoga, it's just finding the time! I currently do a weights exercise class once a week which I appreciate is probably not enough but afterwards I feel fantastic! So I could do with doing more of that but it's finding times that fit around work & children. I feel a lot calmer this evening so it comes and go's the moodiness. It's worse when I'm struggling with my other condition as that makes me feel tired and sometimes its painful and the stress of trying to do everything work and home just makes me really irritable.

Yes
And I understand the guilt about being irritable around the family. I have to battle hard against it.

On Saturday all I wanted to do was curl up and read a book all day but with housework and three kids on top of a full time job, that was not possible.

I’ve found it helps to admit to my family that I am feeling irritable and that I might need to have a quiet day.

How often do you do yoga Tiny?

I agree it's important to consider the medical aspect of this question, but I also think there's a deeper question about allowing ourselves time and space to rest and relax. I know - easier said than done, eh?! I'm the last one to talk but I do think we need to teach our families to respect these significant life changes women go through during the menopause. Too often, these symptoms are dismissed or mocked (you can see it done, even subtly, in the media, TV, comedy etc - women's "funny ways" etc). Some sympathy, space, rest and assistance are also requirements of a successful menopause.

Dappled I totally agree with you. It's the chaos of everyday family life that sometimes pushes me to my limits with my moods. I think if I could just shut myself away and relax when feeling a bit low it might help but of course this is not always possible with dc's who need me. I don't think dh really gets it either, I think he just thinks I'm a miserable person.

What helped me to finally accept that I was going through menopause 10 years earlier than 'normal', was learning that "washed out, washed up and worthless" was far from a universal attitude to post-menopausal women. In many cultures, particularly less technology-driven cultures, menopause is seen as almost a parallel to puberty. While it is not celebrated in the way puberty often is, passing the menopause is an important landmark in a woman's life. Perhaps because, in the past, so many women did not live that long. Being post-menopausal assigned you attributes of longevity, experience, wisdom. Rather than being a burden to society, the older woman was considered an asset to be respected (to a degree - patriarchal attitudes usually over-rule!).

It certainly made me reassess my view of myself!

You totally do need to pause and give yourself time and opportunity to cherish yourself. Does your soul/mind/body need something different now? Something additional? To discard something that is now a burden, even if once it was not?

Thank you Jelly for your kind words. I'm just so low. I've had a blazing row with dh this morning & I'm scared of what I might say. I feel out of control. I hate feeling like this. I just want to run away. I'm trying to get an appt with gp but nothing available yet. I wonder what the point is in taking the ad's I'm on as I still feel horribly depressed.
I wish I could talk to someone in rl who understands & that I can just have a good cry on! I have friends of various ages although alot are fellow school mums who I know but not sure I know them well enough to cry on their shoulder. I really need that right now, someone who can empathise.

I do yoga twice a week. It’s fairly strenuous Hatha yoga and it seems to calm me down a bit.

We're all here Honey! When I went through this a year ago, I was training to be a teacher at the same time. I was a complete basket case to be honest. My DH was very good about it all though, and as Dappled says it's just part of who we are. I guess in an ideal world we would be grandparents and spending our time being dotty and dozing in our chairs. Sadly most of us work full time and have young children! My doctor gave me two packs of patches (which you have to pay for by the way around £32!) as I explained I was in school with no access to Drs appointments. You may be sent for a blood test first though which will add to the delay. If you are in the position to see a private GP that would speed things up a bit. Good luck, we are all here for you, and when you get the patches, your peace and tranquility will return, the brain fog will lift and you will feel human again. xxx
PS I found that as soon as I started talking about Brain Fog and mood swings lots of my friends all joined in saying that they had the same. Sometimes it just takes one person to start off the conversation.

Thank you so much Sarf. I have a couple of questions but am out at moment so will pop back later to ask you if that's ok.

How old were you sarf? I just feel too young for this.

I was 49 I think, but it is a gradual decline in hormones I think. I still have regular periods, but was getting more and more unhinged really. The blood test will help. Have you self-diagnosed that you are peri, or has the doctor told you officially?

One of my friends told me that it's actually good for our children to see us like this, because it will help them deal with conflict when they get older. Not sure if it's true or not, but I like it!

BTW, Honey, remember that regular exercise is so effective in managing moods. Stress causes build up of cortisol which needs to be released for our overall health. Easy to say, hard to practise but it's worth it. I has an uphill struggle after a hysterectomy but exercise has been my main weapon in the battle.

I agree regarding exercise. I have to really wear myself though to have an effect - I think the endorphins help.

But really I get so tired and I think that contributes to my bad mood as well. I was up at six, drove to a meeting and back with various work things in between, snatched a sandwich, came home stacked dishwasher, cleaned floor, did food shopping. Later I will tackle the washing. Then up at 6am again.

At some point I’ll speak to the kids.
Sometimes I think at 44 that I am getting too old for ft work.

And I need to phone my mother, organise birthday party fur DD3 and look at childcare for the summer.

Frankly I think we are all entitled to our mood swings