SIL won't talk about anxiety in front of her kids in case "they get it"

[ThePencil]

I'm angry and sad about this in equal measure. I have severe anxiety, stemming from depression. BIL (DH's sister's husband) has more manageable anxiety and mild depression, as does his dad. We were talking about it one day and he was saying that he thinks it's genetic, and he worries about his kids suffering from anxiety too. His son has already been sent home from school several times with mysterious "illnesses" which clear up when he gets home - they look very much like anxiety (eg he'll feel sick but also be breathless and shaking).

I asked BIL how he talks about mental health with the kids, and he said SIL bans all talk about anxiety or depression "in case the kids decide they have it" and she thinks "they just need to learn to get on with things".

It made me really sad to think that that's her attitude, and also worried about her son, who isn't really getting much support if he is anxious. I've always felt that she looks down on me for not being able to do certain things due to anxiety, and this has reinforced that.

I don't see that much of him, so I don't think I can do much, so I guess this is just me needing to vent a bit.

How old are the kids? I think I agree somewhat with your SIL, it doesn’t mean that she will minimise any distress that they may feel in the future, but she is trying not to make it a huge issue. I was an anxious child and my dad’s anxiety rubbed off on me massively. It made me so much worse, I made a concerted effort with my own children that this would not be a part of their lives.

They're mid-primary school age. It's her attitude that they should just "get on with it" that worries me. I think when it's at the stage that her son is being sent home from school, it would be useful for him to be able to talk about it, and maybe learn some techniques to deal with it or calm himself down. Instead she just doesn't want to hear his worries, says he's being silly, and he needs to stop worrying.

To be clear: I'm not suggesting they need a full-blown explanation of depression/anxiety. I'm just concerned that she brushes it under the carpet instead of listening and giving support.