Anyone here appear confident but is a giant anxious mess

[BlueCookieMonster]

So at work I’m told I appear confident, and quite chilled. It could not be more the opposite of what I actually feel, which is a giant flappy mess and I think everyone thinks I’m a giant failure.

Rationally I know I’m not a failure and am generally alright, but my goodness I can’t stand being like this. It’s wearing it really is!

I used to feel like that. People used to describe me as sociable and confidant when i felt the opposite. The problem was i was acting. So I pulled it in a bit and showed my anxiety a bit more. It helped.

I can relate to this, and yes it is very draining. I act all the time, putting on a confident & sociable mask when really, I'm screaming inside and just want to be left alone.

Last week, I got some news about a project I will have to take on next month, and although I said "no problem, I can manage," I have had sleepless nights ever since, and can feel myself slipping back into depression over it. I finally plucked up the courage to explain my worries to my boss, who just replied "Oh, you'll be fine! You need to stop stressing so much."

No, it won't be bloody "fine," actually. That will be the last time I show any weakness at work - having my feelings downplayed like that is even more crushing.

Yep - this is me.

I roll play being confident and in control, whilst inside I just want to run away and hide.

It's exhausting and no way to live, but I've not found a way to navigate it.

My job requires me to be the person I'm roll playing, and to show any sign of weakness or lack of control/confidence would see me as unfit for the role, due to what I do.

Sadly, it was only when I began to roll play and pretend to be who I'm not that my career took off.

I don't know what to do for the best really. The place I work is quite a tough chaotic place, and I don't really feel it's a place to be vulnerable. A lot there are very bitchy and can be hard to please. Suppose it may be an act for a little bit longer.