I've always dismissed talking therapy not because I haven't wanted to try it, because I'm scared about admitting something is wrong to a professional and feeling embarrassed like I can't cope with my children?
Don't be scared to ask for help with this any more than you'd be scared to go to the doctor with a physical ailment. Therapy was invented because people throughout history have needed help at one time or another. The Internet is full of people needing assistance or hand-holding as they go through tough times. We all do. These therapies would not exist if they were not being used by others. Now it's your turn to use them. They will give you tools and skills you can use going forward. It's the smart thing to do.
But I've got to the point that I will try anything if someone is willing to help me feel better
It will be so worth it - for you, your children, your relationships with others. The pay-off will be enormous. It's an investment in YOU. 
I have family not many friends because I isolate myself , own worst enemy really and I cancel plans for no reason
Who are you closest to in your family? Could you speak to them about your feelings in addition to seeking outside help? Is there anyone in your family who could give you an afternoon/day off on a regular basis? If so, use the time to do something for YOU. That could be anything. A hobby you want to pursue or a group of mothers in a similar position where you can just chat over a coffee and share your feelings.
I understand the cancelling plans. Please try not to allow yourself to do this. See it as something you must follow through. Everything will go better than you imagine. If you don't like the activity, you don't need to go again. But chances are you will enjoy it and it will get easier in time.
My partner has tried to help by telling me to go to the doctors, I love him and I know he loves me but hearing him say get help almost makes me feel worse and starts something new
I will now generalise a bit, but men can sometimes be impatient with problems that can't be fixed in the way a car can be fixed, say. Don't read too much into your partner's response for now. If you are basically happy with him and he's a good guy at heart, just concentrate on getting you stronger and happier with life. If there are anything changes you'd like to see in your relationship, you can discuss them from a position of strength further down the line.
You really have encouraged me to make the first step in helping myself so thank you , I even feel a bit of a relief just for writing down my feelings on this post
Glad we've all helped.
Now, remember this is YOUR special thread. Use it as much as you wish for support. Come back and update us if you feel able. Would love to hear that you've made an appointment with a better doctor, spoken to a member of your family about support with childcare, joined a mothers' group, and started talking therapies.
You can do this OP. You sound smart and insightful and a good mother and partner. You just need to give yourself some of the caring you are directing towards others because you are worth it too, you know.
