So unhappy at work

[constantlyexhausted]

I returned to work in September after being unemployed due to illness for 5 years. It was my decision to go back to work, no one forced me to go back I really thought I was ready.
I'm so unhappy at work, my confidence and self esteem is non existent and I just feel so depressed and anxious all of the time. I don't fit in at work, I don't have any friends there (my fault entirely) and I feel like I am constantly making mistakes and getting things wrong. My job is very stressful and my mental health is deteriorating and I am so scared that I am going to end up being to ill to work again. I am having thoughts of self harm (not to kill myself) and I just cry every single morning knowing that I have to somehow put on a brave face so that no one will see how much emotional pain I am in. I work in a school so I really can't fall apart, it's half term in two days but the thought of getting through the next two days just feels so overwhelming and impossible. Just wanted to ask anyone else with a mental health illness who is working If I always feel this awful? How do you get through each day without crying? Anyone?

It's so hard working in a school when you're feeling like this, because there is nowhere to hide and you have to put on a brave face for the kids. Hopefully the half term will give you some time to reflect on what you want. Have you spoken to your GP? Would ADs help? What can the school do to support you - they have a duty of care to you as much as the kids. Would some training or some mentoring make a difference? Would reducing hours help? Is there someone there you like that you could start talking to and try to establish a friendship? What skills do you have that could be applied to a different job? Is it that school that's the issue, and if so could you move to a different school? Don't forget that mental health problems are as much of an illness as anything else, so if you need to take tomorrow off sick to look after yourself - do it.