Derealisation/dissociation??

[JSBF]

Apologies in advance for the length of this thread. Can anyone with these conditions/who has been diagnosed help me?

After years of being tested for various different things, due to hazy eyesight, migraines, feeling like i'm not quite myself (talking blood tests, MRI scans, eye tests, medication for migraines) I've come to the conclusion that, after much research, I think I have derealisation/dissociation. I know it can be dangerous to self-diagnose so I want to get a medical opinion, but I am worried that doctors won't take me seriously (I have presented with my symptoms many times before knowing what derealisation was but have never been told it could be anything to do with mental health, it's always been something physocal) so want to be prepared so that I can take the correct steps as, quite frankly, it's ruining my life (really struggling at work, making stupid mistakes, and finding my social life is taking a toll too as it's harder to find things enjoyable). Below are my symptoms:

• Vision - vision is constantly blurred/foggy - I constantly describe it to people (and doctors) as feeling like I'm drunk. I can stop and focus on things if I need to but it takes a great deal of concetration and everything else around seems unclear. There are also lights that flash in my vision too, as if i've been staring at a bright light for a while. I also don't feel like my eyes are open wide enough (hopefully that makes sense?)

• It's hard to focus on people and what they're saying, even if they're right in front of me and talking to only me. I miss things they say/forget what they have told me. It takes a lot of effort to take conversations in - especially the more important they are (e.g work). I work really hard at disguising this, concentrating as hard as I can, so I don't think people notice that this is a problem.

• I find it hard to concentrate on work, conversations, TV shows, books - everything is a big effort. It's difficult to fully engage with anything.

• I find it hard to recall information, and find it hard to recall memories from just a few years ago.

• i forget very simple things - names, dates, information i've been told. I don't have a huge memory loss, but enough that I notice it.

• things that used to be important to me aren't now, I don't take as great a pleasure anymore (finding new music, going to gigs, reading, staying up to date with news) (it's not a complete loss of pleasure, it's just less. All of my emotions generally feel dulled )

• I get headaches and migraines every week, and I get tingling in my arms (not sure if related but thought i'd add it in anyway)

• I feel odd, like i'm not completely myself. I don't enjoy the things I used to, I don't take pleasure in life like I used to.

• I am constantly tired and I feel spaced out a lot of the time

• I feel stupid, forgetting things/getting things wrong/not being able to do simple things that used to be easy.

If anyone has any advice at all (whether it be what to tell a doctor to get my case moved forward or perhaps info on a specialist to go to instead) or any words of advice to know that it's not all just in my head and I do have a problem, i'd be greatly appreciative. Thanks

Would also like to note that these symptoms are CONSTANT. They don't come at heightened times of anxiety/depression like I know other people find. It's all the time.

Hi, I’m current like this and have been absent from work for nearly 2 years now.

There is a book about dissociation called the stranger in the mirror. It’s a bit American in parts but is very helpful in explaining things. Have you suffered any previous trauma?

There isn’t much help for dissociation in the NHS as in my experience the staff haven’t been given training to deal with it.

Sorry I’m not much help at the min as concentration is really bad today. Will try post again another time.

No advice, but wanted to say that sounds really hard.

I have dissociative amnesia (self diagnosed, but very obvious) which is hard enough, but nowhere near as bad as what you have.

hellocanyouhelp thank you so much for that, I will definitely check that out. No serious trauma that I can recall which also makes it difficult (although I read somewhere that lots of 'mini traumas' can add up to cause it). So worried that I'm going to be fobbed off with another blood test or something when I know that's not the help I need. Thanks for your help and kind advice

chocolateworshipper thank you, I do feel like I've just been living with it for so long now that it's just part of my life that I deal with but then I realise it's not ordinary, I need help. No one seems to understand my symptoms (I just get blank looks when I tell people haha) so wanted some words of advice in hopes that I wasn't alone. Sorry to hear about your dissociative amnesia, that can't be easy xx

I think because the symptoms could be due to other things it would be hard to get a diagnosis without history of child or adult trauma which is the usual cause of dissociation. Do you have any other symptoms of mental health difficulty?

It's entirely possible that there was some trauma that you can't recall. That's what happened to me. I thought something had only happened twice and therefore wasn't that much of a big deal, and only realised when talking to family members that it had happened a lot more. My brain had literally decided that it didn't want to deal with it all and erased the memories.

letitgo I think that's why, for so long, I thought it had to be something physical - mental health didn't even cross my mind. But i've exhausted everything else so i'm willing to be open to it being derealisation (i've done a lot of research and watched videos of peoples accounts and it seems like the only thing that makes sense to me). Although I appreciate that it will be hard to get a diagnosis without having a big child/adult trauma to back it up, I am hoping that they're open to it being a possibility (everyone has trauma that they forget about/don't see as a big thing but really affects you)

chocolateworshipper i'm so sorry to hear that. but thank you, I feel like this may be a possibility - or like I said before, it could be lots of mini things all bundled in to one big trauma or perhaps my brain hasn't handled stress/trauma as well as it should have.