I've hurt my child. Can I self refer to social services?

[lauraisdone]

I really don't know what to do.

DS is 10. He is extremely challenging but that's not an excuse for what's happened. I totally lost control tonight and I've hurt him by grabbing him and forcing him into my car. We had pulled over at the side of the road during a huge argument, I was hysterical and crying, he was angry too. I told him to get out. He started walking off. I panicked and called him back. He was rude to me and I just lost the plot and grabbed him and forced him into the car.

He has a huge and awful looking bruise on his arm where I grabbed him. I'm devastated that I've hurt him like this and I just don't feel like I'm the right parent for him anymore. I'm failing him and he's going to end up in a mess and it'll be all my fault. I know if school see this bruise I'll be in huge trouble. Can I self refer to social services? I'm just not coping and I don't want to hurt him again, I'm so ashamed and I just don't know what to do. I feel like everyone would be better off if I just wasn't here.

Tomorrow is a new day OP. Im sure you are a very good Mum. You wouldn't feel so bad if you weren't. Don't beat yourself up too hard. Get some help, You really shouldn't be having to cope with this alone.

There isn’t enough info in your post to determine whether you intended to hurt your DS or accidently hurt him by trying to protect him from traffic, regardless of feeling angry at the time.
Sounds more like you are struggling with anxiety and depression. I wouldn’t contact SS if this is an isolated incident but I would contact Family or friend to supervised the next couple of days/weeks and give support whilst you get further help from GP and local services.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling so down right now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're going to move this to the Mental Health topic now too and we hope you find some useful advice there.

Best of luck to you and take care.

I agree that you sound like a very conscientious mum who really wants to do the best by her son. But don't forget that you don't have to be Supermum. You're allowed to struggle and be a bit crap sometimes. Your son will appreciate it if you go to him when things have calmed down, apologise and say that you're trying to find a better way for the two of you to deal with stress. That would be an excellent role model: not someone who gets it all effortlessly right (he'd probably find that hard to identify with), but someone who has the same problems as him, and demonstrates how you can face up to your mistakes and try to work through difficult times.

My heart goes out to you. I think every mum in here can understand how challenging being a parent can be. You are human and I think everyone can lose control if pushed hard enough. You clearly care and you are a decent human being, just one who is struggling. Get the help you need and start each day afresh. Be kind to yourself. Your son needs to see that too. Massive hug 💐💐

You can refer yourself yes as PPs have said.

I hope it leads to the support you need to be the mum you want to be. The fact you care so much is really positive.

Have you read how to talk so kids will listen? Some of the tips might help you diffuse situations without resorting to punishments that ultimately just ramp up the negative tensions.