Anxiety/Depression

[user1471458633]

I'm a long time lurker and never posted. For the last few months I have been feeling anxious and panicky at work where I feel physically sick. I feel like nothing I do is good enough. I know I have perfectionist tendencies and as a senior leader in a large school ( secondary) this doesn't go well.

My husband and I are planning on relocating, and I have secured interviews one of which is early next week . This has made everything worse. I felt like I was just about keeping a lid on things whereas now I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I am on the edge of a panic attack at the thought. I am physically incapable of preparing for this interview and the multiple tasks that will be required on the day. Its a sideways move and a job I have been doing for 5 years so I am more than capable. This doesn't stop the feelings though. I don't want to go, but I will hate myself if I don't. I suspect I need to go to the docs. Would they take this seriously? What can I do to help myself? I'm ignoring my kids and my husband is exhausted with it all.
My Headteacher will lose any respect he has for me if I admit I didn't go to the interview and I suspect make my life more difficult. He is one of the reasons behind my anxiety. Sorry this is over long.

Somebody said to me the other day, "if you live in the future, you have anxiety. If you live in the past, you have depression" ... (and they went on to talk about mindfulness and living in the present).

Have you spoken to your DH or anyone else about how you are feeling? It sounds like you have an awful lot going on in your head right now and you'd probably benefit from 'getting it out' by talking it through with someone.

I'm sure that GP would not be dismissive of you. You sound like you're in a stressful situation and need some support.

Your gp will absolutely take you seriously and well done for posting. It took me a lot longer. I am a lawyer and have been through something similar and I still get awful anxiety from time to time. I usually totally lose perspective (!) but i have found it helpful to think that this will pass, that in ten years no-one will even remember whether you go or don't go etc, but I've also found that anticipatory anxiety worsens when you dither about a decision. I find it somehow easier just to commit to it and then you avoid the should I shouldn't I bit, iyswim. Anyway you are not alone in what is happening to you, it is not abnormal and you will get through it. Xx

I like that description @SoLongAndThanksForAllTheChips it makes a lot of sense!

Mindfulness can be very helpful but when I've tried it at very stressful times I get anxious about 'doing it wrong' and worry even more. I know that's daft.
You can get apps (that Headspace one I think is popular and has a free trial and a man talking in your ear who sounds quite dishy).

I also found that beta blockers helped short term. I was quite anti-medication and I don't think it's good to get reliant on long term meds if you have other options but anxiety meds are not the same as anti-depressants you have to take for a certain length of time to have any effect. They just help with that nervous feeling in the moment. I found that when I'd clicked most of my anxiety was the feeling anxious about feeling anxious type then I really had to do something about it.

Your GP won't be dismissive of you and may be able to help refer you to some sort of talking therapy.

Good luck OP I hope you find a way through this.

Thank you all for replying. I appreciate it.I'm just not coping well at the moment.
I'm planning on a GP appointment ASAP I think as at the moment I'm not doing a great job anywhere. Have heard good things re mindfulness so will see if he recommends it. Having spent the day in tears and panicking and not eating I need to do something as its not fair on my kids. I guess if I don't attend interview I could book a docs appointment as already off work.

How are you doing today OP

Feel ok this morning . Still very emotional and it’s clear I do need a chat with GP. I’m not sure where this anxiety has come from. Pre kids I felt I could rule the world. Now it seems I agonise over everything until I am paralysed and doubt myself . This is In The main all work related so perhaps stress ? I don’t know . I don’t want to be signed off and I don’t want my head to know . When i talk to people they are surprised because I present a calm exterior and appear confident but they don’t see the mess I am in private . I feel like I’m wallowing and want to snap out of it but I can’t . Sorry for the ramble !