Aboulomania

[IamAporcupine]

I have just realised this is what I have. Link here

I find making decisions extremely difficult, in particular when I am not feeling 100% for other reasons. At the moment, for example, I need to choose between two hotels and I just cannot.
I am torturing myself going through all the pros and cons of each option. It is fucking exhausting.

Anyone else has this?
How do you snap out of it?

I picked the wrong title for the thread!

I know someone like this. Have you looked into ADHD? I'm no expert but two people I know who are like this have been diagnosed ADHD-PI. They're also looking at HFA but not sure about that.

Fascinating link, thank you!

Wow, who knew it had a name?!
I recognised that chronic (not quite pathological) indecisiveness seems to run in the family along with a desire to please other people. It can ruin a day out before it’s even begun!

So I make a conscious effort to override this. It’s miles worse if I’m overwhelmed in general, I can’t make a decision if children are shouting for instance.
I started with small decisions, recognising, for example that it doesn’t matter what sandwich I choose in the shop at lunchtime , as long as I eat (this was much harder in pregnancy when the wrong choice might make me sick!).

Choosing between lots of things, I try to pick say the four or six best. I then do, this one, or that one until I’ve narrowed it down.

Sometimes it helps to get a second opinion.

Thanks!

I really do not think I have ADHD, just pure anxiety and making decisions seems to be the best trigger

Thanks Coldhandscoldheart
I didn't know it had a name either!

I too try to think that it does not matter but I think deep down I still believe it does.
I sometimes wait and wait until the decision is made for me. With the hotel situation - I've been like this for almost 3 days. Maybe tomorrow there will be no rooms left in hotel A, so I will have to pick B....

It's driving me nuts at the moment

that's interesting, OP. I have a very close friend who often stayed with me. One morning - as usual - I said to her "coffee or tea" and she replied "could you just decide as I find it stressful to have to decide myself". We kind of laughed about it but a year or so later she went on anti-depressants. She said a lightbulb moment was when she was sitting in her GP's office looking at a list of signs of depression and indicisivenss was one of the things listed.

I think part of this is due to us being overwhelmed with choices we Are not biologically built to cope with. We have evolved over millennia needing to make only simple yes/no decisions, not to choose from fifty varieties of breakfast cereal. Even in the decades since I was small the amount of choice has increased enormously and I feel frozen with indecision at times. Modern life is very stressful party because so many choices are thrown at us every day.

Thanks pallisers
I think I am probably slightly depressed too, but I'd say that at the moment, the anxiety is what is killing me

I have
'what if the other option is better'
'what if it is not good enough'
'what if I regret it'

on and on and on in my head

I see what you mean SirVixofVixHall but this happens to me even when I have only two options!

Shit it's happening again

@IamAporcupine sorry to hear that? Have you come through it yet?

I'm watching your thread as it really resonated with me. I'd never heard of the term Aboulomania. Utterly exhausting isn't it? I've been like this all my life. Part of the problem is the speed of my brain I think.

Interestingly, I've just been diagnosed with ADHD, though am awaiting a second diagnosis to confirm. I also resonate a bit with Autistic traits which was a bit of a surprise to read recently

Oh and I've realised I've had depression and anxiety on and off and been on Anti-D's for a few years and feeling pretty good. STILL have all the indecisiveness though Would love to understand the workings of my brain.

Keep going lovely

I meant sorry to hear that. Genuinely. Not sorry to hear that? That rogue question mark makes me look even more indecisive than I already am

@gottaslowdown, thanks and don't worry I assumed the ? was a typo!

You know, I'd never heard of the term either. I was just about to start a thread talking about this consuming indecisiveness, and googled it and it came up.

It is definitely exhausting. The anxiety didn't let me sleep last night.

It's weird because I was re-reading this thread and I could not remember what was the decision I had to make when I first posted this. Then I remembered it was about those two hotels, but now it feels really odd, as I cannot feel what the problem was

The new decision is about traveling, and again, it's killing me.
Hope you are not having any bouts at the moment.