Feeling flat and don't enjoy anything

[TomDonaldson]

I have been a SAHM for the last twelve months. I got made redundant. We have moved to another country (in the EU).
I am at home for the kids. DH often works away which wasn't supposed to be part of the deal.
The house is nice, bigger than our old one.
I have tried to make some friends but it isn't easy and takes time to get to really know anyone. I don't think staying at home agrees with me. Because of the short school hours here and DH being away a lot and my crap language skills I can't really get a job. I know I should have thought about it all before but I thought I would enjoy it.
I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't sit here thinking I want to leave, to be honest there are problems with that, uprooting the kids etc. But I don't really like it here. The standard of living is very high and everything is really clean and works well and it's really safe but it's so boring.
I just feel hopeless, unmotivated to do anything. I don't look forward to anything. I just feel flat. Like a waste of time.
I don't think about suicide but I do think that I wouldn't mind if I died.
Since we moved here my mum has been seriously ill and some close family members have died.
I feel very alone.
I'm not sure why I am posting this except I need to get it off my chest. I am taking the kids to the UK for a holiday soon and I am not even looking forward to that. I'm just flat.
Thanks for reading.

You should see your Doctor- you sound like you have depression. You need help with how your feeling, does your partner know??

Yes I have spoken to him about it. He is not British and so I guess he finds it easier to deal with moving because he has done it before. I feel awful adding to his worries though because his brother died in December and I know he is struggling too. It's so hard to go to the doctor because they aren't kind here, they are really bossy and brusque and no female GPs in the practice.

Why do you need to see a female GP??

I just think they might be kinder than the older scary blokes

Maybe you are depressed, but maybe you're just in a "bit of a funk" (made up phrase!) and need to do some things outside - walking/gym/meeting people/see a few sights. I wouldn't worry about the "I don't mind if I died" I often feel like that too, it's just a fact not an indication I am about to take my own life. Why not take the opportunity to improve your language skills? It's a really good chance when you live in the country.

I had plans to do all that stuff but I think it's a combination of losing all my confidence and the crappy logistics with DH being away so much. I am not sure if I can motivate myself to put any effort in.
I just dread interacting with anyone. I used to do a job where I had to deal with drug and alcohol rehabilitation and some of the people I dealt with were really scary, I never batted an eye. Now I try to avoid speaking to people. I just want to shrink.

Thank you for replying BTW, I really appreciate it. I'm not trying to be negative, sorry if it seems that way.