Hi I'm new here and didn't really know where else to go. Ive just turned 19 I have a 2 yo boy who is driving me genuinely insane atm he is so naughty he does the same naughty things every day like poor dogs water on the floor, put things in the loo, and go in freezer and fridge and pour contents of whatever he can get on the floor including milk which resulted in me ripping up the carpets. I have dealt with most of this on my own my boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and he works really long hours, and I I moved to Manchester 3years ago and up here I have no friends at all I have no family o never get to see mine as they live so far away I just got a job but had to leave due to them not paying me enough for the time I did and because of this my OH now says I can't get another job because he isn't helping me pay for the child care which upset me because ronnie really loved nursery and I feel crazy I want to be able to work and do something with my life I've never got to have a job other than the one I mentioned cause I've always been looking after my son I never got to go to college because my OH worked nights ag the time and we would have never seen each other it annoys me because my bfs family are all for him forwarding his career but all are okay with me sitting in our horrible flat all day with our son and no one to talk to no money to even do anything with him I haven't bought new clothes in years the last time I got my hair cut was over a year I hate myself atm I have been trying to gain weight as I'm really skinny but I can't due to the lack of money we have and obviously my son comes first always I hate my appearance and my bf even goes mad if I put make up on to make myself feel better because he says I'm wasting his time being long and he could be doing something else right now and it always leads to me trying to defend why I'm wearing it to make me feel happier then he will say this is why I never spend any time with you cause you make me not want to be near you I'm so lonely all the time and I never have adult conversations my boyfriend doesn't seem to care about me being depressed as I've been depressed for a lot of our relationship not due to him but now he knows I hurt and need someone but simply isn't there I've told him many times but he just is over it he doesn't want to help this time but I need to speak to someone! I love Him a lot and our son I'm so worried about making my son unhappy because of my mental health I really try but sometimes I just feel so down I have no hobbies or any money at all for that matter we struggle so bad we can't even afford weekly shops we also have a staff who's coming up to 1year she's really good with kids and walking but she constantly wees inside and eats any food left unsupervised she runs up rubbish bags and it's all just too much I don't know what to do sorry for my rant but this is sort of a last resort the last thing I want to do is start taking medication to make me feel better but I just can't be happy I'm making everyone around me miserable and I don't know how to stop it