I’d kill myself if I was brave enough.

[Peapod69]

I don’t know what’s wrong with me I used to be so happy and alive but for the last year I just feel nothing. I don’t think I’m depressed as I have nothing to be depressed about but I just have this low level sadness with me all the time, I can’t feel anything and all the days sort of merge into one and I keep thinking of the past and all the mistakes I’ve made. I’m a burden to my family and I keep thinking they would be better off without me but I will never be brave enough to kill myself even though I wish I could.

Have an unmumsnetty hug.

Low level sadness, apathy, suicidal thoughts are all classic signs of depression. Depression is not always circumstantial, and often there's a clear hormonal imbalance that can be sorted out.

Please, please visit a doctor. If you don't know what to say to them you can just show them what you wrote on here. Depression sucks, but it can get better. You won't always feel like this.

Im so sorry because I really dont know what to say and I really must go to bed........... but I cant bear to not send you a little love.

Have and a

You're depressed love, that's what's wrong withands you.

You can be happy again, just be brave enough to go to your gp.

Why would you think you are a burden to your family? Think of all the times you have laughed with them and made them happy, I’m sure this will be many. Please do see your doctor soon ASAP, in the meantime open up to your family and friends. If not possible do it here, just talk to someone

I won't say I know exactly how you feel because I'm not you, but I absolutely know how it feels to wonder where that happy person went, and think it would all just be so much easier to be dead. I think about this all the time.

Obviously people would be devastated and traumatised if they lost you. You are valuable and precious. But these feelings are very hard, it sounds like classic depression. Can you talk to a GP as a first step? You could also look up the Edinburgh test online to see how your symptoms line up. There is help.

I know exactly how you feel . A general loss of interest in everything, being haunted by your past. Unable to do nice things any more. All your days a grey blur. This is depression, @Peapod69 and you need to seek help. Your depression is distorting your vision of how your family see you - you're not a burden to them; but your illness makes you think you are. You need to seek help for this just as you would for any other illness. Please do see your GP, urgently - if you explain that you are having a mental health crisis, they will fit you in. There isn't an easy 'cure' or solution, but there are things which will help you move into a place where you can see things more realistically, start doing things again and gradually reclaim your life.

Thank goodness you're not "brave enough"

If you stopped "being a burden" via this route they'd be traumatised, bereaved and miss you very much. You'd be far more of a burden to them gone than here.

You're not well. I really hope you get better soon would the samaritans help as a stranger to talk it out tonight with?

Please do see your GP. If it gets any worse tonight you can also go to a&e and ask to see the mental health team.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. It will get better with some help. You haven't always felt this way. You can get back there, in time.

You poor thing. Please phone and see a doctor as soon as possible. If it is the weekend go to an after hours GP or A and E and take what you have written here down it doesn’t matter if it is 2 am.
You will get better- I promise. I have seen lots of people who do.
( From a GP who also suffers from depression)

How are you Peapod ?

No body would be better off without you. Thanks god that you are not "brave enough". You need to seek help. Ring the Smaritans. They should be open 24hrs. The number is 116 123.

Please find help.

bastard - not doing too badly thank you. Have been with my mum all day watching old films that always cheers me up. Sometimes a few hours go by and I think I’m ok then something brings me back with a bang and I wish I was gone. Keep hoping I’ll get hit by a bus then it won’t hurt my family as it will be an ‘accident’.

I've been there, you can change this

Sorry you're feeling that way

Yes that's depression... always accompanies intense negative thinking. You become convinced that everything you've ever done is worthless, that any happy periods must have been an illusion. You feel worthless & inadequate and become frozen & miserable.

I've been there too and can recommend what turned my depression around...this book:-

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0380810336/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=feeling+good+the+new+mood+therapy&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1526200465&sr=8-1

It was a really entertaining read too, the author is caring but also has a good sense of humour. Just reading the book, even before doing the exercises made me feel alot better.