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Someone to talk to?

9 replies

GMtoBe · 11/05/2018 21:36

I have PND and PTSD (following birth trauma) also OCD which is flaring up since the birth of my dd 7 months ago. I'm currently receiving trauma therapy but am not taking antidepressants as I wanted to see if I could get better without first. For info, dd is not a good sleeper and I'm ebf. She won't take a bottle but is generally a happy baby. I'm still up with her 4 times a night minimum so I know sleep deprivation isn't helping my situation.

Until about 3 weeks ago, I was hiding a lot of how I was feeling and when I had a bad day I'd hide it from my family because I hate the idea of them worrying about me. However, it got to the point where I was too exhausted to act any more and with some persuasion from my therapist I decided to be honest with my dh, dm and df. They all said they would much rather know when I am struggling so they can offer support.

My dm is not coping well with this. I was messaging her earlier and basically told her I felt like not getting out of bed tomorrow because I just didn't want to talk to anyone. She responded with a long message that I would summarise as "you need to get over it and stop letting the pnd beat you". Of course, I would love to get over it but it's not that straightforward.

I'm inclined to not contact my dm when I'm struggling now because it's not something she's comfortable with dealing with. That's absolutely fine, I can live with that. However, that just leaves dh as I'm not that close to df. He is an absolute rock and has been amazing throughout the last 7 months but I don't want to lean on him too heavily because it will take it's toll on him too.

So my question is, who else can I speak to? I almost need someone who doesn't know me so they aren't emotionally invested and that way it doesn't hurt them to see me struggle. Does anyone have experience of this and have any suggestions about what I can do? Thank you if you've got this far, sorry it's a long one.

OP posts:
GMtoBe · 11/05/2018 21:37

Sorry that had paragraphs when I wrote it!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 11/05/2018 21:41

When I had PND I was referred to a support group, which helped. Perhaps ask about that?

Can you speak to your health visitor?

Maybe afford private therapy?

LifeBeginsNow · 11/05/2018 21:43

The Samaritans helped me when I was at my lowest. I felt guilty for calling as I wasn't sure if I was wasting their time but they reassured me that they were there to talk and it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't shouting at them!

I also used a service called Let's Talk (it may be a regional thing). You work through the issues in a "what's the worst that can happen" way and suddenly things don't seem so bad. It was a turning point talking to them on the phone as it helped just to express what was playing on my mind (even if it was ridiculous).

Don't be too hard on your mum. She's not the best person to help right now but her honesty may be better when you start to come out of the fog.

GMtoBe · 11/05/2018 21:54

Thank you for your replies. I will ask about a support group, that sounds like something that I'd find useful.

I did think about the Samaritans but I wasn't sure if it was serious/important enough to talk to them about but now you've said that I'll keep it in mind. I know my dm is just being honest, it's just hard to hear when I feel like I'm genuinely trying.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 10:31

Good idea to seek out a support group and the Samaritans are there for exactly what you are going through.

Your mum no doubt means well but that approach wouldn’t help anyone and it’s more to protect herself than support you. That’s frustrating but try to focus on getting some support u place you can count on.

Good luck Flowers

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 10:31

*in place

chocolateworshipper · 13/05/2018 21:59

So many people just don't "get" MH problems. If you had cancer, would your mum tell you "you need to get over it" ? No, of course not. I would hope that your HV should be able to recommend some support. Also check if there is some free talking therapy via your GP - it's available in my area.

Wolfiefan · 13/05/2018 22:02

PND
PTSD
OCD
Wow. You need support. You really do. Of course it's important enough to call the Samaritans. Telling you to "get over it" isn't honest. It's unhelpful and unsupportive. It isn't that easy and you do need support to move forward.
A support group would be a good thing. Could your therapist suggest anything?

gamerchick · 13/05/2018 22:02

If you had cancer, would your mum tell you "you need to get over it

No, but neither would someone dealing with cancer try to ‘do it without meds’. If you had a broken leg would you do it without pain relief?

ADs are no different if mental illness can be compared.

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