Not feeling alive

[MoistCantaloupe]

I think I've felt like this for years and years now, but does anyone else just not really feel alive? It's kind of hard to explain - it's not that I don't want to be alive, it's like everyone else is involved in life more and gets more pleasure from the day; they can be spontaneous, joyful, have fun and really touch life, and I am just waiting for the next hour to this, then this, then tomorrow, then the next day. Even when I am laughing/joking/around people, I feel like I can ever really embrace the day. Sometimes I feel like I get a tiny glimpse of it when something nostalgic happens, but then it goes again. I know that I am constantly anxious and never relaxed, and sometimes find peace in the fact that when I do die (in years and year I assume) I can finally rest.

Does anyone else feel like this, or know any ways to make yourself feel more alive? Different activities or thoughts that helped? I feel a bit like I live in my own bubble.

I used to be like this. What I do now is spoil myself on a regular basis with something I really like doing. So, I'll get a take-away and watch a movie, for example, or I'll give myself an afternoon with nothing to do but play computer games trawl mumsnet read a book.

As for other people. Well, to be blunt, fuck em'. I've found that one key element of dealing with anxiety is to stop comparing your life to the lives of others. Another is that you shouldn't focus on being happy. Being happy isn't something you are, it's something you do. If you're busy worrying about being happy, it gets in the way of doing things that make you happy.

Tonight, DD is with my ex. I'm sitting here with some booze and a cheap-and-cheerful dinner in the oven, looking forward to the new series of The Bridge that starts on BBC 2 later. Yeah, the front room is a mess and the garden needs weeding, but those are tomorrow's problems. Right now I'm focusing on doing nice things! It's bliss!!!

Ah thanks Nosuch - that's great advice. I tend to do the same things and just wait for the day to be over, so making real indulgence time sounds like a good idea to me! Am working on the anxiety/ what people think of me isn't my business stuff, and will hopefully reach your fuck em' stage soon.
Now wondering what I can indulgence in and watch tonight!

I occasionally felt like this, and i second indulgence time- get busy pampering yourself or doing something that you want to, find a hobby or a class to go to, you'll feel lost in the moment and realise you're enjoying yourself. Best thing is to not compare your day or anything else to other peoples (I used to feel panicked when a sunny warm day happened as I thought everyone else was having bbqs out and about or doing something better than me!) Now I've taken myself off social media and that really helped. I also am a bit of a monica from friends and list everything i need to do in the day when i wake up and that makes me feel calm, and i always leave time for chill out and relaxing!