Wtf is wrong with me?!

[DownTheGardenPath]

I just don't know.

BPD, Depression, ASD, Schizophrenia, Psychosis??

I honestly don't know but what I do know is I don't feel normal.

I do normal things like get up, have a shower, put make up on and go out. I have 3 meals a day. I do the usual human functions.

I don't over or under sleep, although always tired.

Nothing excites me, absolutely nothing. I've 0 interests, I can sit and stare at a wall for hours whilst thinking of absolutely nothing.

Whenever I'm happy, I get a "voice" (not like a genuine other persons voice but mine) that asks me if I'm really happy, then tells me Im faking it.

I've seen doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists. I'm no further a long with a diagnosis. I just need to know wtf is actually wrong with me so I can get it treated correctly.

I don’t know but I hope you get the help you need! I had felt there was something wrong with me for years. I had been given anti depressants on and off for many years since 19. I went into hospital for a short space of time and a year after went to my gp and said there is more to this I think it might be bpd and he said yes you were diagnosed in hospital and nobody told me! I since have had a psychiatrist for three years and my medication is right etc I hate to say it but it’s difficult and you have to really push mental health services to get anywhere. If you have seen these professionals why have they done little to help?

Because I've tried to see them on my horrendously down days but due to apps, I've always managed to calm down and feel better, so when I turn up.....I'm told I'm fine.

I've also had a really really bad time with the NHS in terms of mental health, I didn't hear from or see anyone for 6 months as my psychologist just didn't bother ever contacting me again. I did eventually make a complaint & was given a new one but I moved so had to give it up.

At the time I was struggling with OCD which was hugely masking all my other issues so they always wanted to focus on that.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds like depression to me but I'm no expert just another fellow sufferer. The NHS is a nightmare with regards to mental health services. I couldn't even get any therapy and am struggling with suicidal thoughts. I hope you manage to get some support and feel better soon. Don't give up.

It's difficult as I feel I only get the depression because of something else. I just feel insanely different.

I however do all the things most people who are depressed don't do.

I despise staying in, I like days out and socialising.....I do everything someone without a MHD would do but I just know I'm different to others.

Life is just so overwhelming to me.

What I did that really helped was to write absolutely everything down. When I first saw the psychiatrist I gave him my note book , it took him 15 minutes to read it but he said it had been incredibly helpful and enabled him to treat me effectively.

Sounds like depression...your negative, critical voice in your head is the cause (something we all have) & it's something that can be challenged so you can feel a lot better & feel interested in life again.
This book is great, has great tools to turn your mood around..

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0380810336/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=feeling+good+the+new+mood+therapy&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1525974919&sr=8-1

Thank you for your advice and recommendations.

I will be seeing the doctor on Monday, have made a double app so I've enough time to talk.

Il write it all down this weekend