Just overwhelmed by life.
After reading about the girl with curly hair and Aspergers in women links on here last year I finally clicked that maybe I’m not crazy and that there’s a possibility there’s an actual reason why I’ve felt out of my depth and I’m faking life for what feels like forever.
8 months on from that initial GP consultation I’m awaiting assessment with local authority but life seems to be getting harder due to personal circumstances.
DP’s DS had to move in with us just over six weeks ago due to him disclosing that he didn’t feel safe around his SF. SS and the police are now dealing with that. Due to timings of this local authority admissions still haven’t granted him a school place. Applied for one on 26th March. The headteacher has unofficially told me he can start on 14th May after national testing has finished but nothing from admissions themselves.
Meanwhile the only way I can describe my mental health is as if an alien has landed in my house and I’m trying to remain calm on the outside and panicking like mad inside. I can’t deal with the lack of quiet, the no time to myself etc.
My own DS is 7 and DSS is 9. DSS is unable to play without any adult input and only wants to use his PS4 morning until night. I attempted to home school him but after two weeks of almost no concentration from him and being unable to find work he could undertake without constant input from myself I shamefully gave up.
Because of SS situation he is unable to visit mother at her home because of SF and investigation so he’s constantly around. Literally has seen his mother on 3 occasions since March 25th. I find myself waking at six am to put washing out and just sit in silence just to not have to hear people. My relationship with both DP and DS is suffering.
I didn’t sign up to this. I wanted one child. When DP and I met he had DSS one overnight a week and a day out every so often. It’s gradually become more and more over last two years and now this. All of a sudden I’ve become a FT parent of a 9 y/o. I’ve never been a FT parent of my own DS as he spends every other weekend with his father plus time with my parents.
I don’t even know what I’m asking. I just feel so lost. I’m already taking citalopram for anxiety but my heart is racing and I can’t stop crying.