Anxiety Spiral - please help

[WhatisaNarwhal]

Woke up this morning feeling sub-par and short tempered/anxious. Toddler DD slept badly and was clingy/upset all morning.

We were getting ready to go out to a picnic, she was toddling around me while I packed bags in the living room, and she pulled a blister pack of paracetamol out of my handbag and examined it. It was empty anyway- I’m 99.9% sure- and was just rubbish. My eyes were only off her for 5 seconds at most before I saw her with it- she gave absolutely zero sign that she’d had anything in her mouth (let alone something so grim tasting as a paracetemol tablet- and usually she lets me know when there’s something in her mouth there shouldn’t be... soap. Play do, the usual), I didn’t hear the pop of a blister packet opening, and she’s 2, so definitely doesn’t have the ability to open tough packaging and do something so dexterous quickly and silently anyway- so absolutely no reason to suspect she’d eaten any.

And besides- I’m certain the packet was empty.

Except my anxiety kicked in with 60000000 “what ifs”. So although we went to the picnic, I’ve spent the day secretly googling “paractemol toxicity” and freaking out that I’m misremembering what happened- what if the packet was full? What if she had it for longer? What if she suddenly developed the ability to open packaging silently? What if what if what if?

She’s fine- no symptoms, eating and drinking well- but I’m a nervous wreck.

I have PNA that has been well controlled for months, but something about today just kicked me into high gear.

Can anyone lend a supportive hand to get me through the evening without googling more, pointless, shit about paracetamol- because deep down I know that NOTHING HAPPENED.... I hate that my anxious brain is overriding my logical brain....

Bump....

I hope this isn't unhelpful for you, but I find when I get caught in circles of intrusive and anxious thoughts I need distractions that involve doing something active. By that I mean if I want to read, I will read out loud or have an audio book and go out on my bike. I would do crosswords or other puzzles. When it's bad I will count things, like add up all the numbers I can see, that sort of thing. Those might not be your things but maybe drawing, baking or calling up family or friends on the phone and being distracted by some dull relatives latest illness might help get you out of it. At the back of your mind in a safe quiet place is the knowledge your dd is absolutely fine. That knowledge is there. Whatever else you're thinking can't change that fact.

Thanks @wontbe - all very good suggestions. I do find distractions helpful.

The weird thing is that I know that in a couple of days, when she proves indisputably to be fine (and I know, logically, she will) I’ll wonder what the fuss was about.

Would love to find a miracle cure for thought spirals and intrusive thoughts. Am in psychotherapy for the underlying issues, which helps hugely, but it’s a long journey.

Thank you for being kind.

I didn't have very much to say but didn't want to not reply to you especially if you're feeling particularly on edge. It's funny how the things that have crushed you seem so stupid when they've passed.

I think this kind of thing hits you harder than a lot of the other anxiety issues because there’s genuine worry behind it.
A lot of the things I get anxious about I can rationalise away fairly fast, but paracetamol is dangerous, then there’s the guilt factor of leaving a bag within reach - it’s kind of a core of genuine worry behind it if that makes sense? Maybe that’s why it’s really hit you? Even though you know it’s ok

If she has had the whole packet of paracetamol, she would have vomited by now, she would be feeling very woozy and would have a tummy ache. Seen as she has not had any of those symptoms I would be sure she hadn’t had any of the paracetamols. If that’s not put your mind at rest then restasured she wouldn’t of liked the taste and would of spit them out.
If by some miracle she hasn’t spat the paracetamol out and she hasn’t had any symptoms then she would still be fine, that’s why you can only by two packets at supermarkets because it wouldn’t kill you. Paracetamol is such a low dose and minor drug. Please stop worrying.
Maybe make a appointment with your doctor and discuss anti anxiety meds such as Busperone or Beta blockers.

@yarn

Yes absolutely. When I first got hit with OCD, my worst “spirals” were linked with what I had/hadn’t done, what horrors I could be capable of if I suddenly randomly “flipped” one day like women you read about in newspapers... I even almost convinced myself I had PP psychosis at one point. It was a horrifying time.

Today has been hard because I’m SO careful with her generally (bag wouldn’t usually be on the floor at all, for this precise reason), of course we have our mishaps like any family - but because it came off the back of a grumpy morning- it all therefore becomes a questioning of my fitness to be a mother at all etc etc

In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if the spiralling has come from the unusually grumpy start from both of us- i know that I subconsciously use OCD almost as a way to “prove” my “good mothering” (I.e ooh that was a near miss/potential hazard etc- look how much I care though, because look how worried I am”)

Isn’t it fucked up, what we put ourselves through....