Suicidal thoughts keep popping into my head

[stripesandspots10]

Some days I'm ok and don't have them. But days like today where I feel so alone and down they just poo into my head. No matter how much I try to not think about it. I'm too much of a coward to do anything and my DS of 22 months needs me. But in scared and I don't want these thoughts. How can I make them go away??

Anyone?

Sounds horrible! The tricky thing with thoughts is the harder we try to get rid of them the more they come! Do you actually feel suicidal, or is it just thoughts popping into your head that you have no intention of acting on? The latter is more a type of ocd than actually being suicidal. Either way, do you have any mental health support? Both types of suicidal thoughts can be sorted with the right therapy /support.

I get these sometimes. For me it's a sign that I'm overwhelmed, overtired and need a break - I'm more self aware having suffered from depression in the past. It's an extreme way of your brain wanting an end to the current situation.

It's usually a sign of depression - do you have a diagnosis of a mental illness? If not then I would consider talking to your GP or a good friend about how you're feeling and what's going on with you at the moment. Parenting little ones can be exhausting, sometimes lonely, sometimes boring and affects lots of mums' mental wellbeing.

Take care

Echoing the poster above, intrusive awful thoughts can actually be a symptom of ocd and ocd responds quite well to therapy.

What support do you have in place if any? It’s really worth trying to see someone if you can.

I would reiterate the above. Thoughts do come into our minds and can definitely be helped by talking therapies and or anti depressants. I would say go to your GP and see what they suggest. Or see the mental health web guide in blue at the top of your post.

It is very common to have obtrusive unhelpful thoughts and you will definitely feel better with some coping strategies.

Thank you for your replies. You say OCD? I don't have any obsessive behaviours though? Could this still be the case?

The doctors at the hospital sent me to the GP when my DS got admitted when he was 4 months so 18 months ago. She asked if I was coping ok and I broke down and said no. I just had a bit of counselling back then. I feel better from then in the sense that I don't cry every day but I'm now a single parent and very alone.
I start feeling this way when I feel very alone and isolated. When I feel I have no friends and that I feel overwhelmed and feel like my life won't get better. I wouldn't act on the thoughts but it just scares me that my brain starts thinking like that. Because it never has in the past.

I'm having counselling now. But that's for mainly relationships and my past and upbringing. I haven't mentioned how I feel now.

Sorry that was long!

You say OCD? I don't have any obsessive behaviours though? Could this still be the case?

Yes it can. It’s a misperception that OCD is all about handwashing and putting the lights on and off a hundred times (although of course those can be manifestations and they are extremely distressing to those suffering from them.)

There is a pure ‘O’ Form which is more characterised by magical thinking and intrusive thoughts. So for example ‘if I put a red scarf on my baby his throat will be cut in an accident.’ Or ‘if I don’t put this knife right atcthe back of the worktop it will somehow fly off and hurt my baby.’

The thoughts are intrusive, often accompanied by visual imagery popping in there as well. It’s usually ‘if I do x, x will happen.’ It’s not a worrycthat you will hurt the baby directly, more that something you do will cause harm iyswim?

I suffered from very severe OCD after the birth of my first. There was none of the behaviour people talk about with ocd like obsessive cleanliness - it was just extreme anxiety and these godawful thoughts, which yes, included suicidal thoughts.

I had cbt which I didn’t find useful, then I paid privately and saw a psychotherapist. I think it’s the best money I’ve ever spent and actually I wish I’d done it ten years ago. Or twenty...

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and get some help. PND is fairly well publicised but postnatal anxiety and OCD are not and often go unrecognised.

I also found that when dc1 started sleeping more things improved, but that wasn’t until he was 2...

Thanks yarn
I had no idea it was like that too. I get thoughts pop into my head about my son getting hurt because of my actions or just something going wrong and then I can see it play out in my head. Just thought that was me being a worrier I am. I also have a thing about knives they freak me out. If someone is cooking and has one I don't like it. Sounds so silly. I also don't like leaving them out and they have to be put away but I've felt like this since before my son so just think that me. I'm pretty sure I have depression though which i think was brought on just after the birth of my son.

That sounds very similar to what I experienced. Almost exactly the same.

If it’s any kind of reassurance you aren’t crazy, and it’s not a given you’re suicidal. I found discussing it in therapy really useful. I have suffered with depression for a long time and I think the lack of sleep, and extremely hard pregnancy (HG, SPD) just cracked me.

Will you talk to your therapist about it? I was scared people would misinterpret that I was going to harm my son but they understood immediately that there was a specific pathology in the thoughts. Even just someone saying ‘yes, this is A Thing’ helped me.

It was a dark time but the therapy helped enormously, and the frequency of the thoughts dropped rapidly.

@yarn and @stripes

Just to say... me too. Just posted a thread in this section on a difficult day. I’ve been in therapy for pure O OCD and PNA for over a year, and it’s helped hugely. Today just a temp blip (I hope).

It’s hugely common if under reported - and bloody hard going. Therapy very very helpful if you can afford it. Many psychotherapists will take patients for substantially less than their usual fee if you’re in need ... so worth looking into.

Yea yarn lack of sleep makes these thoughts were and just my mood in general. It's good to know I'm not alone.
I'll mention it to my counsellor but I don't think she specialises in it. I orginally went there for my poor lack of relationships with people.
From a few weeks since my DS was born he has an allergy and then he was blue lighted to hospital and ever since then I always worry and think something is wrong! It's so draining at times

Back to GP

whatis I hope you're feeling better today