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I think I have a low level ptsd type thing from years of believing I was infertile

8 replies

Singadream · 02/05/2018 12:53

Is that even possible?
I was told as a teenager conceiving would be v difficult. Then once I met dh aged 29 we started ttc straight away. Took nearly 3 years. Had lots of investigations. Did conceive naturally just before starting treatment and now have three kids for which I am hugely incredibly grateful and count my blessings every day. When ttc I was obsessed. Spent hours every day on the ttc forums here. Was sad all the time.

Now I find myself being sad at all the time I spent sad if that makes sense. I look at my old posts here using advanced search (different user name though) and sob for myself. Every time I see a pic of that time I see sadness in my face even at happy events. I remember things by that being the day my period came or the day I thought I had a poas line. I have started crying about this randomly. It is a bit crazy - eldest dc is 7 so I should be over this by now.

I have scoured web looking for info on this. Lots on depression following infertility treatment but nothing on where no treatment needed in the end. Also it’s not just the years ttc but the years pre ttc thinking it would never happen, worrying about telling future partners I may never have kids etc.

OP posts:
Singadream · 03/05/2018 19:44

Anyone?

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 03/05/2018 19:50

Maybe some counselling might help you to let go of it all so you can be happy going forwards instead of looking back.

theeyeofthestormchaser · 03/05/2018 19:57

Who told you as a teen that you’d have problems conceiving?!

Singadream · 03/05/2018 21:48

Doctor who diagnosed pcos reinforced regularly by my mum reminding me not to leave it too late (v helpful when single!)

OP posts:
epicclusterfuck · 03/05/2018 22:03

This sounds similar to a kind of survivor guilt, for some people who have cancer and recover it is harder to deal with recovery in a sense because they had expected something else. I think counselling would be very helpful to unpick how you feel about it all.

magnetiq · 03/05/2018 22:05

I'm not sure I understand; if it took 3 years I would class that as difficulty conceiving?
Any kind of infertility or uncertainty about fertility is really difficult so Flowers

buckeejit · 03/05/2018 22:23

That sounds completely understandable to me. You didn't know your future then & had no way of knowing that you needn't feel sad at that time. In the same way that someone who has something tragic happens longs to be back in the happy pre tragedy period, you are grieving for that lost & wasted time of sadness. Even though things are great now, you've still got big feelings to process.

Sorry if I don't make sense but think counselling would be a great start to deal with this

theeyeofthestormchaser · 03/05/2018 23:28

God, your mum does not sound helpful.

I agree that counselling could be useful, to help you put the past to bed and focus on the future.

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