I’ll try and keep as short as poss
Long term depression/anxiety over 35 years on and off
Been with partner 16 years
About 6yrs ago I had a bad episode of depression/anxiety with agoraphobia
Partner was helpful taking me to appts, doing shopping and cooking when I couldn’t
He was great at first, but as it took over a year and probably not as quick as we both thought it would be, it was hard on the relationship and there was quite a few arguments along the way
He’s not the type to hang around the house, always wanting to be outdoors (not pub) not type to sit watch tv.
On bad days I may ask him to stay in and not do his volunteer job ,1/2 nights a week
I was scared and wanted him to be with me, but he’d say I’m going
And I’d end up in tears
Fast forward to now
And It’s been creeping on again I’d say for the last year
These past 3 mths more bad days than good
My heads all over the place
I’m on venlafaxine still, I upped it 8 weeks ago. I’ve had few better days but nothing significant. I did start to get in week 5/6 of increase 187.5mg
Chest sensation (not palps) night sweats really clammy enough to wake me up and more headaches
So spoke to gp and we dropped back to 150mg and I suggested propranolol
Since Sun I’ve been really weepy and panicky about messing about with meds and I’m all over the place
Getting more anxious
Today partner was loosing it with me,
I told him I wasn’t upto going out today, so if he wanted to go somewhere it’s fine
I got “what now it’s 1pm, too late
Thing is, if he is going out by himself it’s round this time anyway
Last night he was out early 6pm at a game, so wanted tea early
He was hanging around me in the kitchen. It was fish, anyway I ended up with really bad stomach ache in the night and diarrhoea this morning
Mustn’t have been cooked!
Tonight out again tennis match, early tea, melt down for me today everything seemed to get to me meds, feeling down and crap
Saw me putting tea on early (so no arguments) and he stayed out kitchen.
I’m putting his out early and thinking
I’ve been really upset and feeling s...
And he sat there on his phone
He’s actually said to me that there’s no way he’d spend his retirement dying from staying in
I know it can’t be easy one bit, but on better days we do go out to lunch, coffee, shopping and even visit his mum 26 miles away
And yet he can’t change his plans and stay with me on a bad day/night when he’s going out.
He says my sons there , I know that and he will talk to me but it’s not the same as a partner or hubby
When he was having a bad time before he retired from work, I supported him every night listening to him for over an hour every night, helping him come to s decision
Even when his father was ill, suggesting we visit, because he thought once a week/2 week was ok
He was dying.
Please tell me if I’m not thinking straight and being selfish