It's been 50 years of abuse; I've always tried to please her, even while hating and fearing her. When my dad (who's now terminally ill) first started dating her, I was five years old. At first she was nice, I remember, but when she and Dad moved in together, she began to shout at me, criticize me, belittle me and separate me from my dad. It was only today, when she called me to say Dad had been admitted to a hospice, that it dawned on me that there had to be something other than jealousy causing her to treat me this way. So I googled "difficult relationship with stepmother" and everything fell into place.
It is not my fault, it was never my fault. There was nothing I could have done or can do to change her feelings towards me. I was little more than a baby when she met me and yet she hated and resented me from the start. I feel relief but it's hard to get my head around the fact that it's not my fault!
Narcissistic people seem to be crawling out of the woodwork suddenly. Usually men (like my ex) but also women.