Some years ago GP diagnosed a chemical imbalance and I started venlafaxine. It helped a lot but I still had major down times and deep down suicidal feelings, that is to say..I would never ever commit suicide but I actually used to hope I would be diagnosed with a terminal illness so I could die without guilt. I’m sorry, I know that is an absolutely horrendous thing to say but it was honestly how I felt. But the venlafaxine made me at least able to function in the real world.
Around a year ago I was the victim of a serious crime. I couldn’t sleep for a long time afterwards so went to the GP a few times. They wouldn’t prescribe sleeping pills, which on one level I understand but hell i’d been through a major trauma, if that didn’t warrant sleeping pills I don’t know what does! Anyway, saw this lovely locum who suggested I switched the venlafaxine for mirtazapine.
I was meant to be doing a graduated switch so I went from 150mg venlafaxine daily to 75mg (in the morning) with 15 mg of mirtazapine (at night). Did this for about a week and I felt absolutely amazing. The deep down wanting to die was gone, for the first time in 25 years! I feel truly happy and content for the first time ever really. Spoke to the GP and he said that as we discovered this works for me “by accident” he was willing to continue perscribing the two. He said usually only a psychiatrist can prescribe two anti-d’s together.
I’ve since done a lot of googling and apparently this particular combo is very effective at treating “treatment resistant” depression. Taking the two drugs separate, i’m actually on quite low doses now and I really wonder why it isn’t more common to combine drugs rather than keep upping the dose on one to a very high level.
Anyway, i’m really just sharing this in case it helps someone else. For those who feel that anti depressants just aren’t working for them, or feel like I did, that on the surface things are ok but deep down the feelings are still there. It’s worth talking through with your GP. I’ve been on and off various anti depressants for years and had honestly given up hope of ever feeling “normal”.