I need help?

[Twounder1]

I just feel like I've lost myself and I'm just a shell.
I really feel like a robot just doing everything I'm told am constantly doing housework, looking after my babies etc. I don't have 5 minutes for myself. Even a bath I end up feeding ds in it and then he's soaked :(. I'm too numb from depression and ptsd to feel much emotion.
I used to really care about my appearance, I don't anymore. I used to like what I saw, now I hate it.
Weight just keeps dropping off me because I don't eat. I don't have the time to eat or drink anymore with two kids so young. But I don't care about it. I don't care if it makes me ill again anymore. An all people do is get on at me saying I have anger issues. (punched dds crib today out of frustration. Don't worry, she was being bathed by dp. Nowhere near her crib)
People keep telling me I'm a bad mom (which I feel like I am) because dd still sleeps in our room because I'm worried about her on her own. She always wakes up in the night frightened and I comfort her.

He's forcing me to get antidepressants Monday. But last time I was on them, they made me so angry. I need I think the strongest ones but I know they wont prescribe it for me yet.

I can't live this way anymore I'm so done. I feel my children deserve better.

I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time and feeling like this.

You can feel better. Going to the GP on Monday will be the best first step you can take, for yourself and for your children.

Not caring if your are ill again is the depression talking. You can get through this. Do you have any RL support other than your DP?

Sorry you're feeling so terrible. I've been there. My road to recovery started with a trip to the GP. I got antidepressants, they mightn't be for everyone but they worked very well for me. What really helped though was a referral to counselling. She gave me strategies for managing my emotions and general help with coping. I also got DH involved. It really helped him to understand how he could help. He felt totally unable to help before that and he couldn't understand what was happening and was sort of making things worst. Keep strong and get the help that's out there. It WILL get better.

How are you feeling today @Twounder1 ?