Am I just being dramatic?

[constantlyexhausted]

Hi I have named changed for this post.

I have severe depression and anxiety and I feel like everything is getting on top of me and I have no one who I can talk too who won't judge me.

I returned to work in September after a fairly long period of unemployment. I wasn't told to go back to work, I chose to go back because I honestly believed that I was stable enough to return to work.

I am really struggling, everyday is getting harder, putting on a brave face and wearing a fake smile is exhausting, and I feel so alone.

I walk around all day fighting tears, begging myself to just act like everyone else and not draw attention to myself but everything is making me anxious, even the silliest things are upsetting me and when I am anxious or upset I become clumsy which makes me more anxious. I feel so low and am finding it so hard to concentrate and focus on my job and I just feel like a failure.

I'm so tired of my mental health ruling my life. Does anyone else feel like this constantly or am I just being a drama queen?

I don't have many friends and I struggle to make new friendships because of my lack of self esteem and because I know that I would be an unreliable friend and don't want to let people down......in the past I've cancelled invites at the last min because my anxiety levels have rocketed and over time people just stop asking me to spend time with them (my own fault). I feel really alone but I also isolate myself which I guess isn't helpful.
I regret going back to work but I can't afford to not work. I want to run as far away as possible but it's really hard when the person who I want to run away from the most is myself!!

Anyone??

Hi OP..it’s very hard being depressed and having to continue with life. You’re actually doing well just getting up every day and going to work! Putting on a facade will deplete your energy stores.

You’re certainly not a failure, you’re doing the best you can in the circumstances. I think maybe just cope with one day at a time, don’t look at a ‘week’ just a series of days if that makes sense. Having too much in front of you can be rather overwhelming.

Are you better1-1 socially? Might help if you can do just that, less pressure.

You are certainly not alone, many feel like you do, but wouldn’t admit it, at least you’re honest with yourself.

I think being at work is good for your mental wellbeing, you don’t need to feel pressure to go out socially, just to go to work. I’d there someone you can confide in there?