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Feelings of grief as child grows up

2 replies

RainyAfternoon · 24/04/2018 13:28

I'm posting this here, as although I know that every parent goes through a period of mourning as their child grows up, I feel that my current feelings of loss are so intense that I am not coping with life.
I have three children and my eldest has just started her last term in the last year of primary school (we are overseas, but equivalent to Yr 6 in the UK). There is none of the razzmatazz here that accompanies the last year of primary, so it only really hit me this week that she is moving on a stage. She is also showing the first signs of puberty.
I have started crying and I can't stop. For a few days now I have been crying nearly constantly. I feel bereft and can't eat. I feel a pit in my stomach like I have been bereaved.
None of it makes sense. I always knew she would grow up, but I never knew how much the early childhood days would bring me joy, and how much I would miss her as she peels away from true childhood. Of course I will have her with me as a teenager, but I am aching for the little child.
But every parent must feel like this, right? It's just life. And if so, how does everyone cope? I am not functioning at work and just want to curl up in bed and sob.
I am wondering if there is more to this. We have a lot of uncertainty about the future. I want to return to the UK, my husband doesn't. This is an ongoing discussion. I also had anxiety after the birth of my 3rd child, so it might be underlying.
I need to know it will get better and I won't mourn the loss of my children for ever. I know I should enjoy the younger two while I have them, but somehow it feels like the bubble of our sweet family is breaking and won't ever be the same again.
Please can someone help - I need to know if this is normal and transient, or if I should get help.
Thank you.

OP posts:
LARLARLAND · 24/04/2018 13:31

I think every parent laments the 'loss' of their dc's childhood. Mine eldest will be leaving school soon and I am thinking about it a lot. However I am excited for his future too. In a nutshell your emotions are very extreme and not at all healthy for either you or your dc. I suggest you seek some professional help.

Velvetbee · 24/04/2018 14:40

I’m thrilled mine are growing up, learning new skills and turning into fabulous young people. The second one is off to university this year and I have a 13 and 10 year old also growing up fast. I think your grief seems more than is common and you might want to seek help for it.

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