My ds is 3 weeks old. Dd has just turned a year old. Ds was unplanned and honestly, if I'd have found out before 24 weeks, I'd have aborted, my contraceptive didn't work. Although now he's here, I love him so much.
It's harder than I thought. Dd just seems to be having tantrums all the time and I'm constantly wrestling to try and keep her apart from ds as she accidentally hurts him. She just high pitch screams all say and fights me with everything.
Ds is very clingy, which is fine, but I can't satisfy his hunger. I'm trying to breastfeed but really struggling. He's on the breast for ages and then a 4oz bottle and he's still hungry. He wants to feed every hour. I've had no sleep in 3 days cause I'm up feeding/trying to settle him back down. He just wants me an will only sleep in my bed, so I don't sleep.
I've had I think three meals in 3 weeks. Barely drinking anything because I'm constantly running after them. But this is the thing, I don't give a fuck about me anymore. I couldn't care what happens to me as long as my kids are OK. By the time it comes to my 5 mins I have housework to do. That to me is more important because its my children's safety. I'm annoyed people get on to me about it. I have no money and I'm struggling in that way as dp won't get a job.
I feel like I'm all on my own sometimes. I have no friends anymore (my best friend only wants to talk about the guy at work she likes and nothing else. She only responds to my messages if she wants to talk about him. I have anxiety and ptsd so mum's groups are out of the question right now. I don't want to meet people anyway. I feel horrible about myself. I've sold everything to try and pay rent. All the watches and jewellery dead relatives have bought me. Anything valuable is gone that I held sentimental.
Just needed a rant :( I feel so lost. I love my children don't get me wrong, more than anything. But I look back to when I was 18 and I was able to buy things from my wage, I lived with my mom and she's my best friend and I miss her so much. I took care of myself and my appearance meant a lot to me. I don't care about it anymore but I miss that carefree life. I'm struggling with them constantly screaming at me, I'm struggling with no money. I'm struggling with a gamer obsessed dp who I want gone properly but with what little help he gives with the kids, it helps.