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I think I may be at breaking point

7 replies

alwaysthepessimist · 18/04/2018 14:25

Long story & I do have a GP appt tomorrow but I work in a very small office, just 2 of us, other person is male and doesn't believe in sick days so it makes it even more difficult. I had a miscarriage 7 years ago, had a child after this but suffered from pnd, dealt with that, mum then found out she had stage 3 cancer, she is ok, still tested every 6 months but clear for now, dad isn't well, hasn't been well for years, oh isn't well now either, possible MS, waiting for the neuro appt, I went into early menopause, having awful symptoms, flushes, moods, odd erratic bleeding despite no periods for over 12 months, palpitations (maybe I am not sure) just a really funny feeling in my chest on and off all day, makes me feel very strange, am really struggling to function, every day seems endless, I also volunteer time to school, I work full time, DD (almost 6) does a few after school activities, I can't remember the last time I slept for the entire night and every day I just wish I could go back to bed and sleep for a week. Also have a muscular problem with my hip muscles which if I do actually sleep for any length of time flares up and wakes me up. I know I need some help but I am terrified of being signed off by the gp - I am not sure I could face coming back to work, I feel like I am on the verge of a total mental breakdown and cry most days for a few minutes, in private, no idea why I just do, even tesco sometimes not having the right apples can set me off, do you think the GP would let me go on anti depressants with HRT? The only thing keeping me sane is my running, I run 3 or 4 times a week, I run and switch off for that hour after that reality returns.

Sorry for such a long tale I just felt like I needed to get it all out, I am not sure what I am actually going to say to the gp tomorrow without sounded like I have totally lost the plot with life

OP posts:
ExmoorPeace · 18/04/2018 17:17

I have similar feelings. My dad has cancer (he is 81) and my mum is almost deaf. I have horrible perimenopause symptoms. I just wish I could press a pause button and make it stop.

Jellyjumpers · 20/04/2018 06:30

How did the GP apt go?

alwaysthepessimist · 24/04/2018 14:27

sorry it has taken me so long to come back, appointment was kind of ok, he suggested I am suffering from stress & anxiety & wants me to speak to a therapist (long long wait) and do some cbt. I didn't get signed off, he didn't even suggest it.

OP posts:
pigmcpigface · 24/04/2018 14:31

You poor, poor thing. You really are suffering a perfect storm there.

Definitely see your GP. There may be all kinds of help s/he can give. I don't think anyone is going to hear your story and not think "There's a woman under enormous pressure who is understandably struggling".

I read an interesting quote from the Dalai Lama. He was asked how many hours he meditated an average day, and he said three. Then, he was asked how many hours he meditated on a busy day, and he said four. Think about that for a second. There's a lot of wisdom in the idea that we need to invest more time in achieving equilibrium when we are under pressure than when we are not. It is NOT selfish to take some time for yourself - to run, to think, to seek counselling to support you through this intensely difficult time. Flowers

pigmcpigface · 24/04/2018 14:32

Ooops, apologies, just read your update.

It's great that you went along to the GP. Did you get any option of medication as well as counselling? The two are often offered together, because they are very effective together.

Can you afford to get any help sooner by going private?

alwaysthepessimist · 24/04/2018 14:45

thanks @pigmcpigface (love your user name btw)

He says he 'doesn't believe' in medication as a first step but maybe sometime later...and no not at the moment to go private BUT I have taken a serious look at my life and the things I do and am starting to cut right back to allow more 'me' time - as per the Dalai Lama - he has a lot of good things to say - I used to meditate but haven't for a long, long time, it is something I am going to start doing again

OP posts:
pigmcpigface · 24/04/2018 14:51

always - I would read that as an open invitation to go straight back if you are still struggling in a couple of weeks and ask for more help. I think in these situations, it's best to see the relationship with the GP as a kind of ongoing dialogue rather than the one-off visit that we tend to think of. Sometimes it takes several conversations to get the right treatment for you, whatever that is. Flowers

Do make time for yourself. Be GENTLE with yourself. You've got a lot on.

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