Bad day today.

[ColinsVeryJolly]

I thought I was making steps towards feeling a lot better, definitely less depressed and the anxiety was at a more manageable level.

Then today I decided 'hey it's your day off! You've been meaning to get out walking more, why don't you get the bus to town then walk the nice scenic route to the cemetery to lay some flowers for mum and dad and nan'
Great idea at the time.

I finally got out of the door after procrastinating for a bit then lots of tiny little things pushed me in to verging on a panic attack on the bus, this became tears which got worse as I walked through town trying desperately to avoid people. Full on blubbering mess until I got to a quiet footpath where I composed myself a bit. When I got to the cemetery the peace and quiet and the beauty of the primroses made me blub all over again while sat on a bench. Then I cried at the grave. 🙄
Fuck me so many tears today.

I finally got my shit together and was able to walk back and by the time I was in town I even managed to go in to a cafe on my own (never done that before) for a much needed cuppa.

I feel so drained and low now though.

I'm fine when I'm not doing much at home, I'm ok at work, I can go places if I'm with other people so why was today such a disaster?
Urgh

Hey OP. I think you might have just pushed yourself a little bit much too soon, that's all. It sounds like you have improved a lot and that's fantastic, but I think as depression starts to lift and anxiety settles down, we can get a tiny bit ahead of ourselves and try to run while we are still learning to walk.

Don't think today was a set back, it wasn't. You did get out, you did go to the cemetery, you did compose yourself and you managed to have a coffee in a cafe. That sounds superb to me and you should be proud of yourself. Sometimes, I think, we just need to cry and that can be at the worst times!

Tomorrow is another day and recovery is not a straight line from a to b. Find the positives in your recovery and do your best not to beat yourself up when a little blip happens.

Thank you Colly

I've had a bit of chocolate and watched some crap telly so I'm feeling better now.

Onwards and upwards.