Anxiety

[EverythingsDozy]

I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for around 7 years. I'd been doing well until just recently where it feels like it's come back with a vengeance.
I was a bit quiet yesterday at work and got told I was moody and had an attitude problem. I'm off today and tomorrow but now I can't stop panicking about when I go back in on Friday. My mind is storming with all the things that might happen. In all honesty, I genuinely can't understand why she thought I was moody, I thought I was being normal. I don't want to go back in on Friday because I'm terrified I'm going to get into trouble.
How can I stop myself worrying?? I hate feeling like this. I just want to give up, I've had enough. Should life really be this difficult?

I am sorry that you are feeling this way, I have anxiety too. But reading your post made me wonder if the other person has issues too. I expect that she is sorry about having a go at you and is also worried about Friday. Sometimes its easy to pick on someone when you are having a bad time yourself and it does sound like she was a little bit snappy.

I don't think so, I think she was concerned. She said it seems like I don't want to be there but I love my job. I honestly can't see what she saw.
But I don't want to go back on Friday. I'm afraid I'm going to get suspended. I feel like this might be the start of a mental breakdown because I literally have no clue why she thinks that, but I'm obviously giving off some sort of moody vibe that I can't feel myself giving off. Is this the start of a breakdown?? Do you behave in ways that you think are fine but they're actually not?

Sometimes if I am very down I know that I appear 'flat' like I'm not really present, but I am always aware but its as though I cannot make the effort with people,
I don't think that you will be suspended, everyone can have a bad day. I don't know what your job is, do you work with the public or maybe in an office. Someone else's reading of your mood is no indication of you having a breakdown. She may have got it wrong however well-meaning she is.
On Friday just try to take deep breaths when going into work. By then she will probably have forgotten about it and a million other things will have happened for her to think about. Whereas for you, it is on your mind constantly getting bigger and bigger.
I wish I could offer more advise as I know its easy for me to say these things but please dont panic.

I work with the public in healthcare, but I was more than professional with the patients. I was chatty and friendly, the same as I usually am. I have literally been searching my brain, going through the day trying to figure out what I had done wrong.

You've probably done nothing at all! If she brings it up again just laugh and say it's how your face is constructed

[from a resting-bitchfaced person] :)

What Jammy said

I am going to have to explain about the face. In my last job, I had someone turn to me and say that when she first met me, she thought I was miserable and hated the job and didn't want to be there, but when she got to know me, she realised I wasn't. I'm hoping it's just a case of that again.
She reported me but I'm hoping it was more of a "I think dozy is unhappy and doesn't want to be here" than a "I think dozy hates this job and her attitude stinks".

Ah, the joys of having a face like that. My teachers at junior school apparently thought I looked terrifyingly pissed off! It gets easier after a while I think, after you've told a few people and made a joke about it. And on the upside, used well it's a fecking terrific way to cut through crowds :)

What treatment are you having?

Your colleague shouldn't be making personal remarks about you op.

As long as you're functioning professionally at work and interacting with the patients and staff there should be absolutely no issue.

Not everyone has a toothy smile plastered all over their face naturally.

There's far to much judgement about MH in the workplace, people need to get educated.

Just try and forget her comment.

I've been on 30mg mirtazapine since February 2014. Last year in summer it was reduced down to 15mg but I asked my GP to increase it again this year because of the slip in my mood. I am going for my first session of counselling today at my university, but I can only have 6 of these sessions.
I still cannot fathom what I did wrong. I have thought of very little else since Tuesday. It's so hard to be afraid all the time.
I am absolutely dreading going in. My stomach is in knots. I was hoping I would get sick so I could call in but then if I was sick, I shouldn't be going to my session either.

Honestly, you have done NOTHING wrong! I know it's easy for me to say, and hard for you to feel convinced of it, but trust me on this one. I hope the session goes well!

I had my first counselling session today. It wasn’t much of one, as we had to get some of the admin out of the way. She did a quiz thing (not a quiz, I just can’t think of what to call it!) and said my depression/anxiety is at the top end of moderate/bottom end of severe. She asked me what my main problems were so I mentioned being a single mum, uni, what is basically full time work, relationships, etc. She’s given me some stuff to do that I recognise from the last time I did CBT. Identifying a trigger, thoughts, behaviours, physical signs etc. Hopefully the next one will be more in depth, today was more a finding out what’s wrong type thing. Next time will be a let’s try and do something about it.

Was everything ok at work on Friday OP?
Next time someone mentions your mood or attitude, if you don't actually want to tell them about the anxiety, just say that you've had a bad nights sleep, kids etc. be vague. Then just put a big smile on and say, I'm fine!
Or, if you think you want to, could you mention to the appropriate person that you have anxiety and are being treated for it and are fine with it workwise.
Just to make them aware!

Yesterday was fine. Nothing was really said but the woman I was working with said I seemed to be in a better mood and we should draw a line under it, which I'm more than happy about. I'm off until Tuesday now, I have an appointment with my GP on Monday so I will let her know what's going on.