Feel like I’m falling apart

[Mumao]

Hi all..

Just want to get some stuff off my chest and some advice really.

I had my baby in 2016 and suffered PND and very bad anxiety. I thought I had handled it myself (exercise, eating well, seeing friends etc) then I went back to work and had a shit situation there... I won’t go into details which brought it all on again.

I went for cbt and felt better... all the while mine and OH’s relationship was very up and down.

I feel like he is unsupportive for many reasons, including the fact that he doesn’t make any effort and never asks how I’m coping or even why I’ve been to the dr when I tell him I’ve been. I feel like he doesn’t care.

Anyway the situation and work worsened and I basically got bullied out of my job. My OH I feel was still being in supportive. I quit my job, found another and moved house in in a very short space of time.

My anxiety has spiralled out of control and I have said some horrible things to my OH in arguments. I have been begging him to support me since day one. I feel like I’m taking to a brick wall. This weekend everything came to a head, I’m staying in the spare room and not getting any sleep. Oh and I are not talking and I’m so on edge.

I went to the dr today and have been prescribed steraline and some sleeping tablets.

I feel like my life is a mess. I feel like it is impossible to fix things with oh. I feel like I’m going to lose my new job at any moment.

I really want some space to get my head straight but how!?

Any experience/ advice!?

Thanks for reading.

Hi there,
Firstly just wanted to send love and hugs to you, you’re being very brave and strong to share this.
The only advice I can give really is to share my own experiences with you, so here goes...
I got pregnant at 19, 8 weeks after meeting my first ever boyfriend. He took the news remarkably well and was supportive when I told him I wanted to keep the baby, as we’re my family. When DS was born I felt I was going through the motions out of a sense of duty rather than because I actually loved him. This got progressively worse as I moved out of my parents and got a flat with my boyfriend when DS was 3 months, then a close friend died suddenly when DS was 6 months. I held it together as long as I could but broke down completely when he was 9 months. I couldn’t stop crying and I needed to get away from DS. I moved back in with my parents and my boyfriend and DS visited once a week. My relationship with my boyfriend fell apart and I really couldn’t see a way out. Just before his first birthday I took DS and caught a train (I don’t know why). We ended up at the seaside where we stayed for 3 days, I texted my parents to tell them we were fine and would be home soon. On the third day something snapped, as I was watching DS playing in the sand I just knew I had to get better for him. I phoned my parents in tears and they came to get us. I started councilling and gradually saw more of DS and my boyfriend and with help and support I have come through it.
DS is now almost 4 and I am back living with him and his dad, and we also have a 4 month old DD who was planned, and we are now engaged.
Basically I just wanted to say that there is always hope, please stay strong and feel free to talk on here any time. Much love xx

I can empathise with how you are feeling. Like you’re out of control, out your depth, too much going on.
Lists where my saviour, doodling, writing little changes. Thinking about the little things and focusing on one at a time.
If you OH leaves then he leaves, that’s his choice, you can’t control that. Try to pick one small thing you can control and focus on that this week.

To be honest I wish he would leave to give me some space but he won’t, even for a short time. He won’t leave but also seems he won’t support me so I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.