Convinced that I have bowel cancer.. anxious and depressed, really need someone to talk to.

[Igglepiggle88]

I’m 29 and I’m convinced I have bowel cancer. I have lost weight, have no appetite, have upper stomach pains, lower stomach cramps and I’m going to the toilet more often and the stools tend to be loose or small. I feel sick all the time. I have had blood when I wipe for years on and off which had been investigated. I’m waiting for a referral for a colonoscopy. Doctor said he thinks I’m too young for it to be a cancer.

I’m so anxious and depressed.. I used to work full time and spend weekends with DH but we now have a 1 year old and I’m a stay at home mum.. DH works long hours and goes away some weekends playing sport so my life is spent inside the same 4 walls watching CBeebies or stopping him wrecking the furniture. I feel like I never get a break. My parents, friends and DH are getting sick of me worrying about my health all the time and not focusing on DS but all I want to do it cry or sit googling about bowel cancer! My days are all the same.

Any input, advise or anything would be appreciated.

You've posted about this several times. It's positive that your GP has arranged a colonoscopy to put your mind at rest. You've also mentioned health anxiety before, have you sought counselling for this and for your low mood?

Firstly, get off Google. It is not your friend.

Secondly, you're doing the right thing by getting a referral from the GP for your bowel concerns. Have you spoken to the GP about your anxiety? You can ask for a referral for CBT to help manage your anxious thoughts and feelings.

Thirdly, speak to your DH about when it's your time off. It's not fair for you to be on call 24/7.

Sorry you're going through this

How is the lump in your neck? You were concerned about lymphoma, have your concerns there been settled?

I’ve had CBT before as I have emetophobia and I found it made me worse rather than better I also take 20mg citalopram which isn’t helping clearly.
I don’t know if it’s my health making my depression worse or my depression making my health worse.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel like a lost little girl wanting answers and I’m not getting any.

What answers are you looking for? Thinking about it rationally, do you think this is a physical issue or a psychological one?

I saw 2 doctors about the lump in my neck and they both said that it’s quite small and apparently my blood test would have shown something if it was lymphoma so I just had to take that as the answer I suppose.
It was this lump and the weight loss that made me worry about lymphoma as I was 12st before I had my son (12st 9 after I gave birth) and all of a sudden I’m 10st8lb when I wasn’t even trying. But obviously now with my thought I’m thinking maybe it’s been bowel cancer all along. I started with the stomach problems the day after my cousin who’s 30 was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer.

Could you have health anxiety? It’s just strange that you got bowel problems the day after someone you know was diagnosed

Has the GP actually done the referral for the colonoscopy? Are you now waiting for the appointment to come through?
It’s very unlikely to be bowel cancer of course as the majority of bowel cancers are in the over 60s, but of course that doesn’t mean young people don’t get it. It’s also possible you have IBS which is often related to anxiety/ stress.

I just want someone to tell me it’s all ok and it’s not bowel cancer etc but I know that no one can do that.
Thinking about it rationally (which is hard for me) I wonder if the symptoms are physical but maybe I’m exubarating them by worrying. I can’t remember the last time I managed a full meal, or felt hungry, or didn’t feel sick.. I sometimes just think I would rather not be here than deal with all this worry.
I do have a life people would want, healthy son, just about to move into a nice house In a county village, DH who would do anything for us.. yet I’m just so worried about my health and miserable all the time I can’t see the good cos it’s like I’m always thinking I’m going to lose it

Yeah he’s referring me to a gastroentologist who he said will probably do an endo and colonoscopy. I know I found out about my cousin and a family friend who’s only 24 having bowel cancer in the same week. I’m sure I do have health anxiety but then I have real symptoms like loose stools, no appetite and stomach pains etc which I don’t think I can imagine? IBS has been mentioned but I thought that only flared up for a day or 2 where as this has been constant for 4 weeks now? x

Its very important to have the colonoscopy and that should rule bowel cancer in or out. You meet the criteria for being referred under the 2 week wait. All of the symptoms apart from bleeding could be nerves. Sadly you are not too young though risk does increase with age. There are many fairly harmless causes of bleeding which are more likely.

I am also awaiting these tests on Tuesday first appointment on 2ww and it is scary. Distraction helps me best. There's a cancer support thread under general health were people with cancer and people awaiting tests can support each other if that would help which I am on. Hope it turns out to be nothing.

this thread won’t go well OP. Engage with the support for your health anxiety and get off mumsnet!

Please don’t underestimate the physical symptoms of anxiety. I lost a fair bit of weight pretty quickly when I had my last anxiety episode, felt exhausted, had stomach pain, nausea etc but I don’t have health anxiety so I knew what it was and could rationalise it. When I got past the episode I could eat more, felt better, put on a bit more weight.
It’s a vicious circle because you worry, the physical symptoms worsen which makes you worry more, which again heighten the physical.. and repeat.

I do think you should get the referral and have the tests done so that you can cross that off your worry list. I also think cbt isn’t going to solve this. It just puts a plaster on stuff but doesn’t deal with the underlying issues of why you are so anxious about health related things.

I really hope things improve for you.

Should have said instead of cbt you might find psychotherapy much better. It works at getting to the root cause rather than just coping strategies.

You can definitely imagine these symptoms or bring most of it on by worrying! The feeling sick, no appetite, loose stools and losing weight all go hand in hand with anxiety. When you get the all clear you need to go to the doctors with your dh as support and tell them honestly what you've told us, you at the very least need your medication changing to help your mood. I can sympathise with you myself because I worry far too much. If I had one wish it would be to be carefree.

He didn’t mention if he was doing it on a 2 week wait but then I was crying saying do you think it’s cancer so he probably didn’t want to say if it was to make me cry more!
What symptoms have you been having penguins? Hope all your tests turn out to be all ok too.
Thank you Lokis.. yes I think that’s the trouble with health anxiety cos there is one voice in your head saying you’re probably making it worse by worrying.. then another voice saying well these obviously a reason you’re worrying it’s cos of these symptoms and then the cycle starts again. I’m hoping the tests give me peace of mind. Have you had physcotherapy? I didn’t find CBT helpful at all.. it was a waste of petrol. I’m willing to try anything to live a normal life.
Thank you bobstersmum, I like the way you said ‘when you get the all clear’ I’ve gone a few times saying I’m not coping with my anxiety (before these bowel symptoms started) and I’ve been told to just get out for walks more.. to up my dose of citalopram.. to try therapy (I did and it didn’t help)
I’m just at a loss xx

Thank you - its bleeding and anaemia I am being referred for though loads of other symptoms, very ill for c6 months, wfh but rarely well enough to leave house, wierd, was very active before. The doctors went from being super relaxed to saying it might not be cancer but you need an urgent referral. I have gone private to get through quickly but really hoping its not, there are lots of innocent causes.

Hope you don't have to wait too long and its all clear. I just watch lots of Netflix like the secret life of koalas to take my mind of it. I am a worrier too but I find distraction helps.

Yes I’ve had psychotherapy and it really helped me to get to the bottom of my anxiety. I still go back here and there if I feel I need to.

Of course my anxiety and worries haven’t completely gone away but I have a much greater understanding of my behaviours and patterns so I’m able to rationalise my feelings more and challenge those I know aren’t real or healthy.

I’m not saying it’s easy and I’m never going to completely change how I am and I’m not saying it will remove all your health worries but it may help you understand them and then from that challenge them or learn to believe it’s old patterns that are driving how you feel rather than actual health issues. Does that make sense? I’m not sure I’m explaining it very well.

I have had my first appointment now and doctor doesn't think it will be cancer but we have to do colonoscopy to be sure on 24/4. Hope yours turns out to be nothing. I find its a balance to test a sensible amount - anxiety tends to make you either want to test constantly or never test and say its fine. Generally I ignore anything that could be anxiety but test for things which can't - bleeding which persists I would always get tested, think 3 weeks is the advice for rectal.