Hi all.
I’ve never posted here before and I don’t even think I know what I’m looking for.
I’ve always suffered anxiety since having my kids (1 and 3) mainly over worrying about things for example that they’re going to get snatched or be seriously ill etc. Doctor wanted to put me on antidepressants but I’m terrified as I was on them a couple of years ago and didn’t feel like myself.
Anyway, recently my youngest has stopped sleeping and my eldest is being very argumentative towards me and won’t listen. Sounds petty but I’ve never had to deal with this before. They’ve had a lot of change recently so I know it isn’t their fault but something in my head keeps telling me they hate me, that I’m a bad mum and my feelings of anxiety are being picked up by them so they’re acting out more. I’m so scared that I’m going to damage them mentally. I take them out and spend quality time with them at home, they’re such clever little things and I love them with all my heart but something keeps telling me that they’ll be happier if I wasn’t here, tonight I started contemplating doing something stupid. I know I won’t do it but to have those thoughts creeping through my head really scared me. I have such a supportive husband and he’s noticed a change me over the last few weeks.
I changed my diet and was exercising for a while and my anxiety went away but now I have an injury I can’t do the gym anymore which I don’t think is helping. I know what I need to do to make Myself feel better but I don’t have any time to myself these days.
Sorry for babbling on I just feel so low and thought writing it down may help. My family are my world but I don’t think I’m good enough for them and it’s breaking me x