Antenatal anxiety/stress & work

[keepitsimple88]

Hi All

I'm very much new to this all, but figured I'd share my experience as i'm nearing the edge of despair.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and fear I'm struggling with Anxiety/Stress in pregnancy. It's been bought on by the usual fears of being a first time mom, terrible nausea and exhaustion coupled with stress at work.

I essentially have a terrible manager (haven't disclosed that I'm pregnant yet) who micro manages and finds fault with everything. It's come to the point where I'm not sleeping, having heart palpitations, loss of appetite, forgetfulness, dreading going into work, unable to concentrate and at times find myself starring at my computer screen with no clue as to what I need to do.
My husband (bless him) told me to "find some inner strength and confront her" (my manager) today. I wanted to burst out into tears. Because previously I would have tackled it head on.

I no longer get excited in things i used to love. My husband suggested we go on holiday and asked me to think of some places I'd like to go. That was three weeks ago and i have no desire to browse for any deals.

I've thought about seeing a Doctor, but I'm worried they won't take me seriously as I haven't even had my first scan/reached 12 weeks yet.

I could leave my job/go on sick leave, but I worry about going BACK to work after some respite and it being really tense/held against me.
My sensible head tells me it's too early to consider sick leave and I should hang in there until I'm closer to my mat leave, but I seriously worry about me having a breakdown.

I can't exaggerate, today I had to take a walk as I didn't know what task I needed to complete next. When I came home from work I sat in the car for 15 mins as I didn't want to go home and talk to anyone.

Any tips/advice from others who have experienced this in early preg?

HELP!

Me. I suggest you talk to your doctor 1) so you have a record and 2) so you can get some support and possibly some cbt or something similar.

I went through much the same in my last pregnancy. Up until then I'd always done very well at work, at all of the places I had worked and in my current role at the time I'd had performance related bonuses and even won an award. Then I fell pregnant and a new manager came in all at the same time. She was incredibly efficient but also didn't take the time to get to know anyone or their roles. I suffered with pgp and sciatica from quite early on in pregnancy and was on crutches and having physio/hydro. I stopped being able to sleep or function well and of course it impacted me. I felt unable to make decisions at work and it got to the point where it would take me an hour to write an email in case manager found fault. I did make mistakes because it was a self fulfilling prophecy and because I was constantly exhausted and in crippling pain. My manager on the face of it supported me but in practice decided that I needed performance management. I'd gone from successful award winner to performance management all because I was pregnant. It was an awfully stelressful time. When I started waking in the night and having panic attacks (and coupled with the pain I was in and my exhaustion) the doctor signed me off work sick. I ended up being off sick from weeks 28 - 35 and then taking annual leave from week 35-40 and then mat leave. In the end I never went back. Honestly the place destroyed me and even after I was headhunted for a new role, my confidence is still rock bottom and I have no self worth. I did do some form of counselling and it helped a bit but I'm no where near the person I was.

So I really do get it. At 10 weeks pregnant and with quite a while to go then you need a plan. Can you work out when you want to take maternity leave from and book in some evenly spaced annual leave throughout with some nice things planned? I do think this would help. I'm not sure if tackling your manager would have much benefit to you but definitely practice defending yourself when it comes to the micromanaging. "Thanks but I'm quite confident at doing this" and some well thought out phrases should help a bit. I'm only suggesting not doing battle with her because I know what it's like and how ground down you are. When you're in that place it's a delicate balance and you really don't need a war with your manager.

@MaverickSnoopy Thanks so much. I identify with so much you've shared, especially around confidence taking a hit and second guessing every decision at work in fear of messing up.

I too have a very meticulous manager (she's good at what she does) but it doesn't translate well into good people management. I'm also on a development plan which has pretty much tipped me over the edge.

I feel like management are frustrated with me because of little mistakes and they no longer trust me with big projects. I feel very much like an Assistant at the moment, picking up odd bits of work. All of this has caused me to regress in my role and general personality at work.

My sensible head is telling me to hang in there, don't let them drive you out, complete the development plan and show your capability.
But at what cost?
Have a terrible pregnancy, riddled with stress/anxiety which in itself will trip my work performance up.

I guess it might be best to take some time out and seek help before I hit rock bottom. I'm already having sleepless nights and feel unnerved all the time. I'll be seeing the Doctor next week and will take it from there. As you mentioned, I have a long way to go.

@keepitsimple88

The trouble is and I know from experience, the more you think about it the worse it gets. The best thing you can do is take it as constructive criticism and blow their socks off. However when you're in the midst of it all it seems impossible.

When are you planning on taking maternity leave? When do you plan on telling them you're pregnant? In your shoes, once you tell them, I would also say that you are suffering from pregnancy related anxiety and that it's been effecting you from the start of your pregnancy and that you're aware it's effecting you at work but it's also making you feel inadequate at work and stressing you out. I think laying it on the table will help. When did the performance management start? Are you planning on going back after maternity leave? Do they have an enhanced maternity package?

Have you seen the doctor yet? I definitely think that you need to get this on file. I've focused on the work aspects as this seems to be what is effecting you most of all, but the other things, like whether you'll be a good mum, are definitely something your doctor can support you with.