How the hell do I help my dd?

[Dancergirl]

My middle dd is 15 and is suffering from some sort of depression. Feeling very down a lot of the time and lots of crying/shouting outbursts.

We've seen the GP and she is on the waiting list for CAMHS but in the meantime I have arranged for her to see someone privately. She had the first session last week and I was asked to be present. The therapist started taking some background but the crying outbursts/meltdowns didn't come up somehow. The therapist is now away for Easter but dd has some appointments arranged from mid-April onwards.

In the meantime though, I just don't know how to support her. The biggest cause of stress for her at the moment is Year 10 exams which start as soon as they go back after Easter. I have told dd many times that these exams are not too important in the scheme of things but she works hard and wants to do well. Everything is difficult for her from doing a revision timetable to doing her notes. I have tried sitting down with her and starting her off but that only works for a short time.

She's not working efficiently (which isn't surprising if she's feeling rubbish) and is sleeping in late. I went in at 11am to try and get her up which went down like a lead balloon. She came down eventually and I made her some breakfast and gave her cuddles, but she's now upstairs crying again

She's so overwhelmed with everything, school pressures, friends etc....normal teenage issues I suppose. But she's not coping.

She's off school until 16th April. How do I help her manage? When she's not crying, she's rude and snappy to the rest of the family

Did the GP suggest medication if any kind?

I think your already doing a fab job and all of your support will help her heal and get better.

Studying when I'm very low is one of the most exhausting things because it requires a lot of energy. I study in 25 min blocks then take a 5 min break. And repeat up to 4 times and then take 30 mins off.
I'm in my third year of medical school and have exams coming up in may, but I I took three full days off at the start and today I've spent the morning in bed.

I've learnt to self soothe which helps- simple things like having a very soft blanket.Scented candles. Hot lavender tea and I bought some very nice soap which makes me feel better. But it was the therapy that mainly helped. It can be hard for everything to come up in the introductory session.

Does she journal? Could you plan a trip to somewhere she wants to go so she has something to look forward to?

I was going to suggest writing - when I was going through a very difficult time, a family member bought me a nice notebook and pen just so I had somewhere safe to express myself... It could be writing her thoughts, poems, etc or drawing or anything she wants really.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help her and that is enough, she will know how much you love her and be forever grateful for your support.

for you, as I imagine it's tough.

Get her out of the house and off social media - nice fresh break

Give her a good diet and less treats

Excerise and sunshine should help

snail GP didn't mention medication, is 15 old enough....?

Thank you all. It doesn't help that the weather is rubbish. We've planned a cinema trip for later this afternoon so that will get us all out the house.

The crying outbursts make me feel quite scared for her TBH. But I keep telling myself, however bad they seem at the time, she does calm down quite quickly.

I'm a counsellor.
The GPs generally can't prescribe antidepressants to under 18s. Usually has to go through CAMHS or a private psychiatrist.
In terms of soothing here. Can she tell you what, if anything helps her? It sounds like she might need some help from you about putting boundaries in around how much she studies. Have you tried the headspace app (it's free) for relaxation? You can do it together if that might help. Could be useful to calm her and aid sleep.
Keeping a journal can be helpful but even just a brief diary outlining mood might be useful in working out which days are better than others and what the differences were. Ie. Exercise, socialising, sleep.
Good luck

I've been reading a book called 'Why we sleep' by a sleep professor, he says apparently teenagers naturally go through a different sleep cycle where they need to go to sleep later & wake later...hence them wanting to lie in....I never knew this!! Then they go back to normal sleep patterns as an adult. But it apparently leads to many parents thinking their teenagers are being lazy!
I guess there's hormones at this age too? As an adult I use CBT self-help books, if I'd known about CBT as a teenager I think I might not have been so depressed & dropped out of studying.
'Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy' by Dr David Burns I'd recommend...it's the most popular book for doing self help work between appointments recommended by therapists in USA.