Feeling anxious about my mother

[Flowerpwr]

Hello, I just want some advice. I feel nauseous, flustered and frustrated for the last four days. Just a timeline of events

My dad died in 2015
My mam found a new partner at the end of 2016 - she was living alone and severely lonely, it was what my father wanted.
She has a history of problem drinking and when she does she becomes very angry and abusive.

She went on a binge this week but today she decided she is finally going to get help, she isn't on good terms with her partner due to the binge and she is very upset and fragile - especially from all the drinking.

I'm living almost 70 miles away with my boyfriend and I am so anxious about how my mother is feeling and how the situation with her partner is going to pan out. I am 22 years of age and my mam is 55 - I can't be doing this. I'm just exhausted worrying about her and I can't seem to shake the fact that she can mind herself and she's an adult. I feel so responsible all the time and I physcially can't do it anymore. Please help!

You’re right, the responsibility is hers. But it’s still very hard for you.
There’s helpful info on this site: www.nacoa.org.uk/adults.html
Also: www.goodreads.com/book/show/136973.Perfect_Daughters

Hi OP agree check out Nacoa and also Coaisathing.
My mum was an alcoholic and when my dad died things became very difficult and out of control. There's a lot of learning to do around how this affects you as an adult.
You can't control her, you can look after yourself. It's not your fault and you didn't cause it.

Sorry you are going through so much anxiety worrying about your mum. Completely understandable that you are worried and it's a huge burden when you can't help feeling you should do something to help but don't know exactly what and the distance probably makes you feel anxious too. I'd highly recommend you go to your own Gp and tell them how anxious you are and explain why. Doctors sometimes just say the right thing which is reassuring and they will most likely give you contacts to seek help for yourself and also your mum.
Another idea is to write a letter to your mums Gp giving them some background information about your mums situation in the past and where she's at now. Though sometimes they won't discuss your mum with you due to confidentiality if your mum does seek help they will already have some information from you on your mums situation which may help.
You may also find putting pen to paper help relieve some of your own anxiety as you get things off your chest
Good luck