Therapist wanted to be friends

[JetSetWilly]

Hi I will keep this short as it’s late I’m tired and I’m om my phone not a keyboard but my therapist wanted for us to be friends.

I had six Counselling sessions after being referred by my work which was paid for under insurance. Looking back it’s clear I had/was heading towards a breakdown. Ultimately I was signed off fo work for nearly three months.

After that ran out my counsellor saw me in the therapy offices without charge probably six more times.

Then she saw me for Counselling in my own home For maybe six more times. Then she suggested we go out for a coffee with the kids at a local park. This went on and we then met socially only.

As it turns out she’s not really a friend I want to continue a relationship with. Far too needy and constantly pushing the boundaries which ironically I’ve only learnt how to set through the Counselling she gave me.

This week I told her I thought our relationship was inapprorprite. I feel really bad just cutting her off like that but what she has done is really bad isn’t it?

There’s so much more I could put but this is already long enough and I just wanted to to get it off my chest.

The whole thing makes me very uncomfortable. God knows what this woman was thinking.

Don't worry about "he said, she said". You have very specific examples. And a lot of them. I also wonder whether you have any email or sms from her?

But it wouldn't matter if not. It's like a teacher-pupil, doctor-patient relationship (in one way). The onus is on HER not to enter a friendship with you.

In my training we had clients. I had a lovely lady who under normal circumstances I'd have been friends with. After our sessions ended, she got in touch to suggest meeting for a coffee. I obviously had never suggested anything like this. My response to her was to tell her that under ordinary circumstances I'd love to, but I was unable to because of ethical code of conduct preventing us having any friendship in order to protect the therapeutic relationship we had. I said it, hopefully, in a gentle way, I at least tried to.

I know of a therapist who over about 10 years has friendships with one or two clients. I don't really like that, BUT it depended on the client, the reason they came (setting boundaries would be a no-no) and there is a very clear two-way discussion about the end of the therapeutic relationship. And there's been a break too, not a follow on like in your case. Like I said, I still don't like that, but it's still a significantly better situation than yours.

All the feelings you're having about this are exactly why it's not ethical. It's not because you said or did anything wrong. If you do make a complaint, don't hold back the things you've put on here. Including how you feel. How you felt confused, obligated to lend your car, thought you were being tested etc. It's ok if it's long!

Perhaps you can offer her sessions on how to set boundaries!

Hi all. As ever thanks for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it so apologise for taking so long to respond. I wanted to put it on the back burner for a bit (or indulge of a bit of avoidance maybe!) as it was making me feel confused angry unsettled etc and I felt I was spending too much energy thinking about it all.

You are spot on when you say I shouldn’t be the one deciding whether it’s right or wrong that’s not for my job. The whole episode certainly doesn’t feel right and it’s very confusing hence my need to let somebody know but the centre manager or a regulatory body can decide whether it’s an issue and deal with it as they see fit. It’s clear that I don’t feel right about it and everybody I’ve told (well you lot and one person at work and hr officer!) seem to agree.

The hr manager has now spoken to centre manabfer and sent an email today saying the centre manager absolutely agrees that from what she told her the behaviour is inappropriate. She said the centre manager would like to meet me to discuss and I think (can’t remeber as skim read) would like to offer me help to work through what happened. HR manager said she was very happy with response and the centre manager is taking the issue very seriously

I will try to put it to the back of my mind until Monday when I can properly sit down and reply. I would be happy to meet and gladly accept some help To work through what happened as it still makes me feel anxious thinking and talking about it. it’s happened I can’t change that but I dont want to feel nervous embarrassed anxious etc when I think about it.

I don’t like this whole situation and it would be easier not to deal with it but I feel I’m strong enough now to see this through-just with the manager for now, won’t make a formal complaint at this stage-and Its important I make sense of what happened. I do feel like I’m telling tales and going to get somebody in big trouble (ridiculous I know!) but It really doesn’t feel right going through what I did not telling anybody and potentially allowing other people to go through it-possibly even a work colleague. Maybe she only had good intentions but she still shouldn’t have done what she did and she needs to know that.

Finally would like to end on a positive note so would like to share that I’m doing really well mentally physically and generally. Me and the children are spending lots of time together doing things we enjoy and pretty much back to a happy organised family. I am eating and sleeping well and I don’t really smoke or drink anymore. I’m running and cycling and Actually ran 4kms today! I’ve heard it said before and now I understand and agree that whilst I can’t say I was happy to go through what I did I really am a better and happier person for it and I am living in a way that will make sure it stays that way.