Husband announced 'i can't do this anymore'

[TopKittyKat]

I'm in need of advice. My husband has just announced that he can't cope. I don't know what to do.

We have an 11 month baby and I have recently gone back to work. My husband works 4 days a week and so looks after our LO on his own on Fridays.

He has had bouts of depression in the past where he gets anxious and can't cope but they seem to blow over.

He told me today that he finds having a baby hard work and it's too much and he can't see an end.

I don't know what to do to help. Do I wait to see if it blows over again?

In the past it has felt like he's had these outbursts when he hasn't wanted to do something i.e visit someone or a day out somewhere. He then says he's depressed and stays in bed all day while I go out without him and he's fine when I get home.

So... What do I do about the current situation?

I find this so hard!

Depression isn’t anxiety

Anxiety
is where things become overwhelming, even though you may have done the lots of times before.
If it is anxiety then looking after a baby is even more hard working than it is normally. It’s not like he/she is not going to go away, it’s for life.
He may be agitated, frightened of his symptoms and snappy

Depression

depending what level it is, is when you have no enthusiasm to do things, even talking or watching tv is a chore sometimes
As he been to see a gp, even in the past?

Is he coping going to/being at work? Ask him tonight to be honest with you about things when baby is in bed so you can talk

Is it just the Friday looking after baby all day till you get home? Another question to ask

When you have the answers, then is the time to come up with a new plan
Could you perhaps do 4 days?
Childminder for the Friday?

I suffer from anxiety/depression and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody

What is it he doesn't want to do this time? Do the Friday?

He told me today that he finds having a baby hard work and it's too much and he can't see an end

Tbf I know a lot of mums felt like that too. Me included. You just have to crack the fuck on with it and it gets easier over time.

Babies are hard work. It feels relentless. It seems endless. It isnt, and it improves. But he is a parent now, and he needs to pull himself together.

Thanks everyone.

To answer some of the questions, I think it is the all consuming nature of looking after a baby.

I do take most of the brunt of it as I am still breastfeeding and so I do all the night wake ups and all the bedtimes.

I work four days already and baby is in nursery three days. I can't really drop a day.

He has been on antidepressants in the past.

He is managing with work. He has been signed off in the past for a few weeks but he's seemed fine lately.

So what does he want to do instead?

If he can’t manage looking after his baby for one day a week, then he needs to pay for a childminder. Which he could finance by working that day instead.
I was widowed with a baby and a toddler, both still in nappies. I was depressed and grieving, but had no choice but to cope - I had no-one to help me out, and had to work part time and do all the childcare the rest of the time.