What made you a) think you might have depression and b) do something about it?

[UNOwen]

Just wondering. Would be interested to hear people's experiences. Really struggle to talk about depression IRL, even with doctors etc.

I started self harming at the age of 14 following bullying at school. So I knew I was pretty depressed even as a teenager. I'm 26 now, but I only started therapy three months after a suicide attempt. I emailed my current therapist whilst crying in bed 11 days before Christmas, around a year ago. I tried doing alone and just couldn't cope anymore.

I has severe PND and PTSD I really wanted to die, I hated everyone and everything. It went on for ages, prob 3 years. Then I realised one day that it wasn’t normal and I booked an doctors appointment. Been on ads since and a lot better but I still get times when I don’t want to leave bed.

I was fine up until I had my first baby (19 years ago) with that came PND although I was in denial, my partner noticed it and I got support there.

Over the years since,I have had a tendency to get low moods and periods where I feel desperate and so sad. I think I’ll always be like this now. I was on anti depressants for a while and they helped keep me on an even keel but sadly I’vd had a really tough couple of years and struggling again.

I’m going to the gp next week to get another prescription. There is help there don’t be frightened to ask for it x

I've suffered with depression since being a teenager, but I didn't really know that or could put a name to it until in my 30s about 10 years ago.
Up until my awareness, I saw the problem as being the world outside me, so would leave jobs, courses, move home etc thinking that would fix things, but it didn't.
Then I bought a book 10 years ago 'Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy' by Dr David Burns and that was my 'light bulb moment' of seeing that I was actually very depressed and this was being caused by illogical thoughts and judging myself very harshly. So all the lack of motivation to do anything, feeling tired all the time, tearful, irritable, finding no joy in anything...It was depression.

So nowadays I have all the authors' books.

I now know the depression warning signs...usually for me: not finding anything enjoyable, no motivation to do anything.
I sit down for 10 mins/half hour/hour with my CBT books....

Firstly: I do the 'Burns Depression Checklist' test that are in the books (I photocopy it from the authors' 'Seven Days to Great Self Esteem' book as it is nearly A4 size already)
This is a very short test which gives you an accurate reading of how depressed you are.

Then I do the CBT exercises which I find work really well for me. 'Downward/vertical arrow technique' (to uncover hidden 'self-defeating beliefs' that are causing depression, such as: 'I have to be perfect', 'Only people who are loved can be happy' etc etc )
Cost-benefit Analysis of those beliefs/emotions etc, then write a new alternative more realistic belief .

'Acceptance Paradox' (from his later books, deal with thoughts like 'I'm defective/a loser' etc and then accept that yes I do have loads of faults etc and that is perfectly okay!) are my favorites.

Then I do the 'Depression Checklist' again to see if my score has improved....I can often go from very depressed to 'minimal/no depression' scores after one sitting, because I find the exercises so amazingly effective. If my score hasn't improved as much as I'd like, them I do more exercises and try to pinpoint anymore illogical thoughts hanging around that I haven't dealt with.

My mood has then lifted loads and I can then get on with doing stuff and can find joy in things again...start looking forward to stuff again, make plans etc...everything I don't do/want to do when I'm depressed.

And just because I slip back into depression after a few weeks/days, I know doesn't mean the treatment isn't working....depression is something that isn't magically cured forever...you still have the same mind that created the illogical thoughts in the first place, and so it can still create those thoughts again...but what I've found is the depression is now not 24hr/day 7days/week and when it does pop up a few times a week it is far less severe and, most importantly, I have the tools to deal with it...and I LOVE doing the exercises

The first time I had depression, I was 20 years old and living in a flatshare with friends. I didn't realise I was depressed for quite a long time. It was 10 years ago now so I can't remember the exact way it happened but this is what I remember:

I was really down on myself and very negative. Hated the way I looked, felt like an idiot when I spoke to people, felt completely useless. Cried a lot.

Stopped spending time with people. My sleeping went way off kilter. I was awake when my flatmates slept and slept during the day when they were awake. This was partly due to not being able to sleep and made worse by me actively avoiding seeing people. I spent most of my time alone in my room. I avoided using the bathroom and kitchen if others were awake and at home.

Constantly felt tired and drained of energy. Lack of interest in doing things I used to enjoy.

I don't know how long it lasted before I realised what was wrong with me. I think it was over 2 or 3 months. Then one day I rang my mum and said to her that I think I'm depressed. After that things started to turn around, I slowly began trying to rekindle my friendships (they weren't happy with me to start with because they didn't know why I'd just stopped talking to them/been avoiding them), gradually got my sleeping routine back into a regular pattern and so on.

I didn't know much about depression then. I'd heard of it but I'd never seen a depressed person or experienced it myself. I think finally recognising what it was, helped me get out of it somehow. Or maybe I recognised it because I was getting better.

I've suffered with it since but I know what it is now. I went to the doctor's once and got tablets but never found much use for them. I just try and ride it through, keep myself active as much as I can. Seeing a counsellor now for PTSD which might help I hope.

I had no idea I was depressed. It took a very good friend to point out my clinical symptoms and pretty much tell me to go and get help.

I had a large stash of paracetamol in case I decided enough was enough.

I had been depressed since primary school and the depression intensified to the point where I was wondering whether enough was enough.

By chance, I heard a programme on the radio and they were discussing this very subject.

Apparently keeping a 'suicide stash' isn't normal and a trip to the GP is in order......

GP prescribed antidepressants....

HAd depression since I was young. I still have it, there’s days when it’s a good day but most days are generally bad. I don’t take pills, I don’t have a support network to talk to I generally just get by. I do struggle to talk to anyone and did once but it backfired on me that’s left me feeling I can trust no one. I’ve had depression so long that if I started to be ok someone or something is going to knock me back down again and take my happiness away. People assume I’m miserable and unapproachable because I don’t smile and avoid talking to people but Inside i feel detached from emotion like I’m empty.

To answer your questions.
I realised I was depressed after I tried to end my own life and it felt rational. A bit extreme I know. Until then I'd convinced myself that I wasn't someone that could get fully depressed and that I was just not dealing with the life circumstances I had at the time. Ie. that it was my failing and not that I was ill.
I still struggle with what I did and the situation and shame around that.
I got help as I didn't want my DC to have to be sat down and told that I was no more. I can't imagine anything much worse than not being able to comfort them.

Feeling depressed yet being too 'brave' and not 'worthy' enough to admit it or ask for help.
it was always the fault of a circumstance that I blamed, not the depression.
A nervous break down finally convinced me I was suffering with depression when I simply couldn't cope or function any longer - rocking back and forth in sobs of tears, sitting in the corner of a room for hours staring at the wall, wanting to end it all but being too scared to do so etc...

eating too much or too little
sleeping too much or too little
isolating myself from others
tearful/sensitive
angry
sitting for long periods of time just thinking
staying in bed unmotivated to do anything.
never feeling joy for anything

In hindsight I have been depressed and suffering with anxiety since a teen, but I never sought help as didn’t want to be labelled. It was brought to a head about 5 years ago when a routine keyhole surgery went wrong. I nearly died and then had to have a much bigger surgery to put it right. Once out of hospital, I had panic attacks, flashbacks and I was a depressed mess incapable of relaxing and thought everyone was trying to harm me. After about 6 weeks I went to the GP as my operation scars were not healing. I didn’t go in to ask for MH help, but the GP literally made one comment like how brave I had been and that it could have been fatal etc, and I just totally freaked out. I feel sorry for the GP looking back as I cried, I screamed, and basically all my inner thoughts came pouring out in a big ranty jumble. From there on I was prescribed antidepressants and given counselling, and also an official diagnosis of PTSD/anxiety and depression.